


Beginning Again: the 2017 Re-write

by arjasmo



Category: Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, LBGT character, Memory Loss
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-21
Updated: 2017-06-25
Packaged: 2018-11-16 20:12:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 14
Words: 27,678
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11260116
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/arjasmo/pseuds/arjasmo
Summary: Re-written or more like cleaned up version of my original story. Same angst, but I reread it and shored up the details a little, actually a lot. I'm also re-posting it for Pride Month because it has an LBGT+ character that I absolutely love.Who is this girl who says she lives in the TARDIS? When the Doctor is attacked by an animal that feeds off of thoughts, feelings and hormones he is robbed of all his memories of Rose. Now Rose has to fight to prove who she is and why she belongs here. This is not her Doctor anymore. How can they find their way or can they before he sends her home?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Since i am currently in the month of June and it is Pride Month, I saw a post asking for authors to post works with LBGT+ characters. I remembered this work and why I loved it. I put a character in it that fit the parameters above. I love this character and introduce her in the first few chapters. Of course upon rereading the whole thing, I didn't like some of the things I did with the storyline, so decided to go in and fix it. I like it better now. I know that I didn't have the story revolve around the character, but this is a humble offering of a character I truly loved. I hope I treated her well, because she is the conglomeration of several of my LBGT family members as well as friends that are considered family. 
> 
> This is a finished work and the original remains on Teaspoon, but I decided to re-post it here. I hope you enjoy it.

The beast prowled the perimeter. Perhaps this would be the day when he could have a bite. "Just one feed, just one, I’m so hungry." He sniffed the air as his mind raced. "What is that smell, so strong, so spicy? No it can’t be, yes it is. Ahh yes." His mouth started to water. He bounded closer to the red glow of the barrier. His ears began to tingle as he inched closer. "Not too close, The burning is not good. Oh, but the smell, so enticing! Where?" He looked left then right. "There. What is that over there?" Two figures walked hand in hand mere feet from the barrier. The smaller, lighter one was speaking. It was garbled by the glowing energy field. The tall one stopped and faced her. 

"MMM that sweet aroma, so strong." The beast licked his chops, edging closer to the red glow, his bold stripes reflecting brightly. His nose stung a bit with the proximity but he didn’t falter. His tail, which usually dragged along behind, curled around his body almost hiding his face. It smelled so good and he was so hungry. The squirrels did not make good meals. They had no life, nothing to give. There was so much more to be had. He had tasted it once, before the fence, and it was so incredible. It had been a girl, not a big girl but not a little girl. She was so full of fever and lust. He had drained that. He saw flashes of the girl, a boy and embraces then water on her face and the boy lying on the ground wounded. It had been so filling he didn’t have to feed again for a week. Then the fence went up, and now he was always hungry. Always patrolling for a break and a chance to fill his belly and mind again. 

The two ahead of him could not see him, well at least not clearly. They were a little hard to see through the distortion of the field, but they were very close. If he hadn’t heard two voices, one high and one low, he would have thought they were one person. There were two distinct smells too, but it was too hard to tell which belonged to whom. They both mingled so nicely. Oh just a taste, just some images for his empty head. "This would be a feast. How can I get to them? I need to eat." He bared his teeth slightly, saliva dripping onto the ground as it had nowhere else to go. He inched forward, getting a preliminary ZAP from the fence. He slunk back down low to the ground. They hadn’t seen him. This barrier, nothing really, was the only thing that kept him from satiating his hunger, his need to eat and feel and enjoy. 

And then it was gone. The beast blinked and inched forward, meeting no resistance and no sting. The two looked up just in time to see him spring. They broke apart and the tall one stood and pushed the short one behind him. Just then the beast landed on the tall one and sunk his teeth into his tender neck.   
***

Rose closed the book with a smile. “Finally done, Mum is going to love it!” she said. She smoothed her hand over the cover, gently primping the bow on the front. She sat back on her pillows taking in her room. Bright lights twinkled from shelves above her dressing table, illuminating an impressive array of trinkets and baubles, each in memory of an adventure or a special time. Countless happy, and not so happy, souvenirs from her storybook life over the last year plus. 

“Wow it’s like a Rose Tyler museum in here!” the Doctor had been standing in the doorway, grinning widely. He had snuck up again; it was like the man sometimes didn’t produce sound. “Are you ready? It’s almost time for the dinner.”

Rose took him in, brown pin striped suit, dirty white trainers, his hair gravity defying as usual. His eyes were warm and shining, mirroring his bright smile. “Yeah, I’m nearly ready, I was just finishing this photo book to show Mum. It’s so much easier to explain where we were and what we did when I can show her.” 

The Doctor advanced into the room, stopping at the first little shelf on her dresser and picking up a small glass figure. “We’re going to have to put on an addition to your room if you collect any more things. Ahh the Princess of Vetuvia.” He lifted the figure to the light and turned it in his hands. 

“Hey be careful with that. She’s my favorite.” She jumped off the bed and reached for it, but he held it above his head, just out of her reach. 

“I seem to recall, Rose Tyler, that this particular princess fancied you. That’s why she gave you this, to remember her by.” He stretched a little more, to make sure she couldn’t reach. 

Rose placed her hand on his shoulder trying to get a little leverage to grab it. “What’s not to fancy? She’s just not my type.” 

“What exactly is your type?” He brought the trinket down to her level, but still hung onto it tightly. She put her hand over his, noticing quite suddenly just how close they were. She could smell him. As far as she knew he wore no cologne. He certainly had a scent all his own. 

“”Uhm, I…” She glanced up to find him studying her. Their eyes met and they both held their breath for a moment. His hand relaxed a little, and Rose snatched the figure away, dodging back. “HA!”

The Doctor stood there for a moment, his expression unreadable. He rubbed the back of his neck briefly, meeting her eyes again. “Yeah we better get going, can you meet me in the console room in about 15 minutes?”

“Sure,” Rose said quietly, “I just have to change my clothes.” 

“Right,” he nodded and turned with a whoosh, leaving hastily. 

Rose watched his retreat, slowly lowering her hand holding the treasure to her side. “That was a smooth one, Tyler,” she murmured, shaking her head. Gently she replaced the figure in its appointed space, then turned and walked into the closet to choose an outfit for the dinner.


	2. Chapter 2

The Doctor danced around the console, adjusting this, fiddling with that, checking the monitor after each maneuver. If he had been forced to explain himself he would have had to say that he was just doing busy work and accomplishing very little. It was more to keep his mind off what had just happened, because he truly did not know what that was. 

Quiet steps in the hall alerted him to Rose’s approach. He looked up, grinning widely as she walked up the grating towards him. She was dressed simply in a calf length red skirt coupled with a long sleeve patterned silk blouse. It was a simple outfit, meant not to entice or to show off, but it was beautiful none the less. She was the picture of classy and attractive all in one. “You look great!” he enthused. “Shall we?” 

“Do I need a jacket? You said it may be cool.”

“Nah,” he said, wrapping his arm around her, “if you get cold I will lend you mine. I wouldn’t want you to rumple your pretty blouse.”

With that the two headed out of the TARDIS together into the night. He was right; it was a little chilly out but not bad at all. Night sounds surrounded them. This planet’s version of crickets chirped happily, the piece was more melodic than the Earth type. Their highs and lows were like the sweet music of a scattered symphony. Somehow they all knew the song but no one was directing. 

They had landed on the planet Serupty. Currently they were in the country of Enning. The Doctor had visited before, in fact many times with at least three different faces. Truthfully he lost count of his incarnations, as they were all the same to him. He had come here some time ago during a vicious civil war, quite by accident. The TARDIS had malfunctioned, or he had gotten it wrong, either way he landed in the middle of a battle field. He stepped out, only to be blown back in by an explosion. A young man had been blown in too and landed on top of him. The man, a boy really, had turned out to be the king’s son. The Doctor had saved his life then and then a few more times. It seems like every time he came back there was some saving to do. In return the king’s family had been more that generous to the Doctor, allowing him to come and stay whenever he wanted and for whatever reason. They had seen him in times of emotional turmoil and loss, as well as stopping by for a simple vacation. 

The king when the Doctor first arrived was named King Rugy. His son (the one that was saved initially) was now the reigning king, King Hamut. Now the Doctor and Rose were here to celebrate the wedding of Hamut’s son, Kolf. 

As they walked along the Doctor held her hand tightly because of the slightly rugged terrain. They had landed inside the glowing red perimeter fence. Rose looked apprehensively at it. “Why the fence?” she indicated it with a nod in the general direction. 

“Oh, it’s fascinating really, they had to put it up due to a huge population of native animals. They have large elephant type beasts called Norimors, but they are mostly docile, except when they lumber through your buildings, then they just crush everything. Then they have little ground squirrel things, I can’t remember what they are called. I think they are mainly annoying. There are big cats too called Serra. But the big baddies are the Xen. They have recently undergone quite an evolution, by recently I mean over the last 400 years. They feed off the blood and hormones of their victims.”

“That sounds terrible!” Rose shivered a little, causing him to draw her a little closer, “is it deadly?”

“Nah, but is like someone sucking out your emotions and memories. They are not huge animals so they don’t eat much. They look like cats but are lower to the ground with huge mouths and ‘Nasty big pointy teeth’.” He made a show of putting his fingers up to his mouth and mimicking teeth. 

Rose elbowed him in the side at the Monty Python reference. He giggled and jogged ahead, pulling her along. “Anyway, the fence is electric and Hamut says it is infallible. Nothing can get though. Unlike traditional fences, there are no holes in it and you can’t dig under it. It stings them even if they get close. Of course nothing is actually infallible, but it’s pretty solid.”

This part of the country was pretty flat. They just had to dodge bushes, small trees and the occasional boulder. Off to the north there were a few low, smooth rolling hills. It wasn’t barren by any means, just not that exciting. The skies were clear, but it was warm, a remnant of the dual suns that had shone brightly all day. The Doctor had described the landscape as ‘Texas but not hot Texas’. Rose had to take his word for it as she had never been to Texas in the first place. As they approached the town there was much taller trees and landscaping more typical of a populated area. The houses were nice, not huge but not like huts they sometimes encountered. Everything was very tidy and it looked like the townspeople took pride in their homes. Once they stepped into the town the streets were lined with little electric cars with three wheels. Streetlights shone brightly every few feet, giving the illusion of daylight, even though the sun had set an hour ago. 

“Doctor, this place is lit up like daytime. How do they have so much power?” Rose asked, still looking around. 

“Well actually the main business of this town, it’s the capital of Enning by the way, is a huge solar array just on the other side of those hills. He indicated the hills Rose had seen before. “With the dual suns it makes for some intense rays and they harness that to run the country. Pretty much everyone here works for the power company in one way or another. In fact, the civil war that I… erm…happened upon… was over control of the areas of most intense sunlight. I think they have that all sorted though. The king has been able to reign in peace for more than 20 years. “

“So who is getting married?” 

“The king’s son, Kolf. I have watched him and his twin sister Kanna grow up. The both are great kids. Well… adults really. Now that he is married, Kolf will ascend to the throne when he turns 30. He is almost 21 now. The law of the land says that the heir to the throne must marry by his 21st birthday or another king will be crowned out of the royal court. It’s a little backwards actually. Who’s ready for a long term relationship at 21? He’s still just a baby really, even in humanoid terms.”

“Oh I know people who are ready at 21, or younger” Rose sighed. 

Either the Doctor was momentarily distracted or just chose to have selective hearing, anyway he did not react. “Ah here we are!” he squeaked. They had approached a three story home, not like a palace that Rose would have thought, just a nice large home with a nice large lawn and tall pillars. 

“This is the palace?” Rose was looking around like there may be something else around a corner or something. 

“Yes it is. King Hamut and his predecessors are a humble lot. In fact one of the causes of the civil war was that a very prominent, very rich family from another region wanted to control the power. Since tensions have eased though, the two sides have started to work together. In fact one of the members of that family is one of the king’s advisors, if not the top advisor. It’s funny how things work out.”

There were five steps leading to a wide porch adorned with multiple chairs and tables. They approached the door and he Doctor rang the bell. The door was immediately answered by a tall man in black sacks, grey shirt and a grey tie. He looked distinctly human. The only difference a silvery gray tint to his skin that sparkled slightly in the light. “Doctor?” he asked.


	3. Chapter 3

There were five steps leaving to a wide porch adorned with multiple chairs and tables. They approached the door and he Doctor rang the bell. The door was immediately answered by a tall man in black sacks, grey shirt and a grey tie. He looked distinctly human. The only difference a silvery gray tint to his skin that sparkled slightly in the light. “Doctor?” he asked.

*** 

 

“Hamut! Lovely to see you mate!” the Doctor exclaimed, stepping through the doorway. The men locked into a tight hug for few moments. The Doctor released and turned to Rose. “This is my companion…ah partner… ah this is Rose Tyler.”

“Please to meet you your majesty.” Rose shook the king’s offered hand. 

“Oh please, call me Hamut. Any friend of the Doctor’s is family here. Please come in.” He ushered them into a large open entry hall. There were stairs leading up to the upper floors and a spacious living room off to the right. On the left looked like a dining room, it housed a big table that sat about 10 people. “Welcome to my home, Rose, and welcome back Doctor. You certainly did well this time around with regeneration. Certainly better in the hair department, and ears too.” 

The Doctor blushed and looked down at the floor. Hamut grinned back at him, obviously enjoying embarrassing his friend. “You know Rose, the Doctor here saved my life once… or twice… or maybe three times. I’m very happy you two could join us.” 

“Actually he doesn’t speak much about what he has done, but it doesn’t surprise me. He saves me almost daily. I would love to hear the story though.”

The Doctor maintained his distracted air while Hamut regaled Rose with the tale of their meeting and then subsequent adventures. Rose stole glances back at him straggling behind pretending to appreciate the paintings and pictures on the walls. His ears were distinctly pink, though he did not pipe up to counter any of Hamut’s claims. 

Hamut led them outside to a huge patio set with 6 tables each seating about 10 people. Guests were milling around and happy music was being played by a live band off to the side. Sparkling lights were strung all around, including up all the trees and hanging delicately from the branches. It made the whole place look like a wonderland. The warm white light was so welcoming and relaxing. Rose let out a sigh,”Oh it’s beautiful.” She felt the Doctor sidle up to her and put his arm around her waist and she put her head on his shoulder. 

“Doctor!” a young man called from across the patio waving his hands. He looked like a younger version of Hamut, maybe a little lighter, but with similar eyes and a warm smile. He jogged over and gave the Doctor a hug. “I’m so glad you could join us! Please come meet my bride! Oh wait, who is this? “ He looked behind the Doctor at Rose. “Hello, I’m Kolf!” he held out a hand to Rose then took her offered hand and shook it enthusiastically. 

“I’m Rose.”

“Welcome Rose. Please join me. I’d like you both to meet Carri.” He turned and gave the Doctor a smirk with raised eyebrows then a wink. The Doctor, just recovering from his earlier embarrassment, quickly reddened again. 

Kolf led them through the various gathered guests to a young lady who was quietly talking to a group of girls. When she saw him approaching she beamed and stepped up, taking his hand. 

“Rose, Doctor, this is Carri.” Kolf’s expression matched hers. 

“What a pleasure to finally meet you, Doctor. I have heard many stories of your bravery.” She let go of Hamut and took the Doctor’s hand. She then smiled widely at Rose. “And you, nice to meet you also. You must be who he travels with.”

“Yes,” Rose answered giggling a little, ”I’m Rose.”

At that moment a bell rang signaling dinner being served. Rose and the Doctor were led to the seats at a table in the center of the others, instead of having a long table where the king sat at the head. They sat next to each other with Kolf and Carri on the Doctor’s right. The chair on Rose’s left was vacant. A girl who looked a lot like the king and prince walked up behind the Doctor and poked him on the shoulder. The girl was shorter than Kolf, a little stockier in build, but similarly colored. “Hey mister, I was wondering if you know someone with really big ears and a funny accent that was called himself a silly name, like ‘the lawyer’ or ‘the baker’ or something like that?”

“Kanna!” the Doctor stood and wrapped his arms around her. He then stepped back and held her at arm’s length to get a good look at her. “You’ve grown up! You look great.” He pulled her into another hug and they both laughed. 

“I have to say Doctor, this regeneration is much better than the last, downright sexy even.” She whistled and pretended to fan herself. 

“Kanna, I would like to introduce you to Rose, my travelling companion.”

Kanna slapped Rose on the back. “Oh you lucky girl, you got the hot one.”

“Oh I’ve had the one with the ears too. This one is alright though.“ She shot the Doctor a sideways glance. 

“Oi!” he squeaked and both girls laughed out loud. 

Kanna settled in next to Rose and they proceeded to have one of the most fun dinners she had ever had. The food was amazing. It started with rich soup and little dry spicy crackers. Following this was a thick but very tender cut of steak and roasted root vegetables. Finally there was a delicate pastry coupled with a light fluffy crème. They had a local wine that Rose liked too, though she was always careful not to drink much when she didn’t know how strong the spirits were. Karra entertained her throughout the meal, telling tales about the Doctor as well as funny stories about her and her brother. 

Apparently their mother died in a terrorist attack after the war when there still was a lot of political unrest. Hamut had raised the twins mostly by himself. Unlike many of the royal families Rose had met in her travels, they were very down to earth, so to speak. They attended normal schools, had only one nanny who worked part time and when the king had to travel. They played outside, climbed in trees and swam with their friends. Kanna reminded her of some of her friends back home too. She would have fit in well in the estate. 

Throughout the meal the Doctor was very attentive to Rose. He explained what each item of food was and predicted what she would like, though she tried everything. He talked a lot with the king and the man next to him. Rose came to find out that the man was Coul, the king’s top advisor. He wore a military uniform like many of the other men and women seated on the patio. He sat with a much stiffer posture than anyone around him and had a definite aristocratic air about him. He didn’t smile much, or at all really. His jaw was set when he wasn’t eating and most of his responses to the Doctor or Hamut were clipped.

Kanna was more than helpful in giving Rose the scoop about everyone seated with them. Mainly she talked about who each was, what they did and so forth. The juicy gossip she secretly whispered to Rose when no one was looking. Her comments and observations kept Rose suppressing giggles all night. More than once she felt a gentle jab in the ribs delivered by the Doctor after a sniffle or a snort. After the main course Kanna indicated Coul with her head and leaned close. 

“He’s really mad. Just look at him, he is strung so tight he could blow apart at any minute. “

“What is the problem?” Rose whispered back.

“If my brother hadn’t gotten married this year, he would have been next in line for my father’s throne. My brother is thick and dull so I thought we were doomed for a while. Coul is the definition of stuffy. I’m pretty sure if he was to smile his face would crack off. “

“But now that Kolf is getting married he isn’t line anymore?”

“Not exactly, Kolf will have to have a baby and Coul will have to wait until that kid is 21 to try again. Otherwise if he doesn’t produce a heir he will rule until his death.”

“And what about you, is there no chance for you to take over and be queen?”

“Oh sure, but it’s not what I want to do so I let him have it. Plus it’s more fun to be a back seat queen. My brother is very easy for me to influence, especially if I have him pinned. “

“You’re funny.”

“No I’m serious; as soon as I attack him he folds like a paper doll. Then I sit on him until I get what I want. Plus I want to go to school, I'm not ready to settle down and get married. Yuck."

Kanna and Rose dissolved into a fit of giggles after that. Minutes later Rose felt a hand on her shoulder and felt someone right next to her ear. “Hey, do you fancy a walk?” It was the Doctor. She hadn’t even realized that he had stood. Dinner was over, the plates were cleared and most everyone had moved over near a crackling fire pit. Some of the men looked as they might be going back to work, she supposed someone had to seeing as how they were running a government and all. 

“Yeah I’d love one, especially after all that great food.” Rose turned to him as he offered her a hand up. He let go briefly to shrug off his long jacket and drape it over her shoulders, taking her hand again. Rose looked over her shoulder to say goodbye to Kanna, only to get a giggle and a knowing wink followed by kissy faces. Rose stuck out her tongue and quickly turned back hoping upon hope that the Doctor hadn’t seen the exchange, which, of course, he did.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OK, that's four chapters up today. I won't be posting one at a time just because this work was already posted and just recently shined up. But I wanted to get the good stuff started!

“I thought you said that I wouldn’t need a jacket,” Rose said, grabbing the lapels of his overcoat and snuggling in. The coat smelled of him and it was lovely. She could never pinpoint anything in particular about it, it just smelled good and comforting.

“What? Did you want me to make you schlep a coat with you, cover up your beautiful outfit and then miss an opportunity to be chivalrous and drape mine over you? What do you take me for Miss Tyler?“ He draped his arm over her shoulders and pulled her tight. They walked quietly for a while. Rose finally slid her arms into the sleeves of the coat so she could reach for his hand. They had gone about 50 meters from the back of the home and patio and were approaching the energy field that served as the fence. 

There was a well-worn path along the fence, but not too close. “Will it shock me?” Rose was a little hesitant to approach the red glow. 

“No, not really, it will ring your bell if you touch it though. Here, put out your hand, don’t worry, you won’t get shocked.” He put his hand under hers and lifted them out straight. With her hand about a foot from the fence Rose felt a distinct tingle. It was uncomfortable but by no means painful. “See? It acts a little like a warning device too.” He brought their hands back down and interlaced his fingers with hers again. “It only shocks if you try to cross it.”

“I’ll try to remember that.” she smirked. 

OoOoOo

The man in the military uniform stood in the shadows, eyes burrowing into those of the younger man who stood beside him. Both men had separated themselves from the group. “I assume that you are ready for the test.”

The younger man tried to hold his gaze, only to get too anxious and cast his glance to his shoes. “Yes sir, we are all ready. I implanted the virus this morning. I have a timer set.“ He tried desperately to steady his voice, though his heart was pounding in his chest. The result was a small tremor and his tone being roughly an octave higher than normal. He reached into his pocket and produced a small box that resembled a kitchen timer with glowing red numbers. “Here, this will tell you when it will happen.”

The older man hissed and grabbed the glowing box from the other and jammed it into his own pocket. “I swear boy, if you didn’t have your skills I would have to kill you for your stupidity. Why would you give me something so bright that they can see it from space???” his voice was a harsh whisper. While he delivered his censure he managed to spew small droplets of spit all over the face of his co-conspirator. 

The young man flinched at being berated, but did not move to wipe off the spit. “Uh sorry sir, I was just trying to be thorough,“ he whispered back. 

“Just go now and make your way back into the party, I will do the same. Do not acknowledge me in any way unless I address you.”

“Yes sir.” He watched as the older man turned abruptly and went around a few trees and back onto the path to the patio. Only then did he dare reach up and wipe off his face. Grimacing he then wiped his hand on his pants, waited a few more minutes and went in the opposite direction to loop around an outbuilding to reenter the party. 

OoOoOo

The Doctor led Rose down the path for a few more meters in compatible silence. He kept glancing off to his right side, looking through the red energy field. “We seem to have picked up a friend,” he finally remarked. He took their joined hand and motioned where he was looking. 

Rose could see something moving on the other side, black and white in color, but it was distorted enough that she couldn’t make out its shape or size. “Are we safe?”

“Yeah, it can’t get across the fence, that is, unless it wants to be barbecue. Plus this area is monitored. Even though it looks like a casual atmosphere, we are heavily guarded. The king prides himself on his protection. If anything were to happen we would just have to yell and there would be men here in less than a minute.”

“So we are being watched?” She made a gesture of looking around.

“No, not specifically, but anything out of the ordinary, like two off-worlders leaving the group was certainly noticed and noted. Just in case you had thought of doing any espionage."

“No, not tonight, I’m a bit knackered.” Rose sighed. They both giggled at this. 

The Doctor turned and looked around a little then exclaimed, “Aha there it is! He led her away from the path a little, guiding her to a wide stump that was cut into a little bench. They sat and she snuggled a little into him. He lazily draped his arm over her shoulders and they settled into a position that they often took. 

After a few moments the Doctor drew a breath to speak. “You and Kanna certainly seem to have hit it off. “

“She’s lovely, and so funny.” Rose sat up and faced him. “She had some great stories about you...I mean the former ‘yous’.”

“They really weren’t former 'me-s'…just me in a different vessel. “

“She says that she likes the current you the most though.“

“Is that what you were whispering about?” 

“Not entirely, she told me about Coul and how he can’t be king now and has to wait. If Kolf produces an heir and that heir gets married by his or her 21st birthday he is pretty much out of luck. But if Kolf remains childless, he gets to be the king until he dies. It’s a little weird actually. We also talked about gossip in the village, but Kanna definitely made noise about how she liked this you.”

“And you?”

“Huh?” Rose lifted an eyebrow at him, confused. 

His gaze had drifted down to his lap. He didn’t lift it as he spoke, “How about you Rose, you have known me in two bodies. Do you have an… um… preference?”

Rose bent down and forward a little in an effort to catch his eyes. It resulted in him looking up quickly and ended with them being nearly nose to nose. She could feel his breath cool on her cheeks. His skin reflected the red light of the fence almost sparkling, his eyes dilated. She could have counted each of the freckles spread over his cheekbones. Neither of them moved for a moment until Rose let out a breath and grinned. “Doctor, we have been mates for a long while. It’s not often that you meet a person, lose them and then get to find and discover them a second time. “

He swallowed thickly but said nothing, his eyes locked to hers. 

“You know, back in the TARDIS when you asked me what my type is?” 

He nodded.

“Well I think I want to talk to you a little about that. “ She grinned broadly, poking her tongue out of the corner of her mouth. She leaned forward more and he met her in the middle, now they were leaning together, foreheads touching. 

The Doctor delighted in the warmth of her skin on his. He clasped both her hands in his. His mind, already moving at a million kilometers a minute, had ramped up even more. Hundreds of images flashed in his head of he and this wonderful girl and what is and what could be. Now here she was right in front of him. No distractions, no TARDIS, no alien threat, just her and it was wonderful. He leaned in ever so slightly and brushed his lips to hers. He felt the soft warmth of her and wanted to stay forever, he pulled back gently but not far. His eyes met hers again as he gauged her reaction. 

Her eyes were open wide, not entirely shocked but surprised. Again she broke into a grin as if to say that it was alright. He smiled back, taking her in. Her hair and skin were bright pink in the light of the fence. She glowed naturally but even more now. He closed his eyes to mentally imprint this image. When he opened them again Rose was pale. 

Not pale, but not red. In a flash he was on his feet pulling her up and putting his back to her, shielding her. 

“Doctor, what…?”

His only answer was a scream of horror and pain as a black and white flash connected with his neck. He hit the ground hard as the beast attached himself. He thrashed violently trying to dislodge it, but the animal held tight. Rose was trying to get an open shot so she could kick it, but no matter how she moved she couldn't get close enough. The scene grew even more horrific in the silence that followed. The Doctor quickly stopped struggling and all Rose could hear were the wet sounds of slurping as the animal assaulted the Doctor’s neck. She then heard something else too, the sound of shrieking. Only then did she realize it was hers "Get off of him!" Since the beast had stopped moving she prepared to kick it in the head. Just as she wound up and began to bend her leg it let go and looked up at her, the Doctor's blood dripping off its teeth and onto its fur. It growled deeply, but at the same time seemed to grin almost like it recognized her or knew something. Rose froze. Certainly this beast could not be aware, but it looked at her with something in its eyes. It promptly began to suck the Doctor's blood again. 

OoOoOo

There was a quiet beeping coming from the pocket of the man in uniform. He glanced down to see that the bright red numbers were flashing and it could be seen through the fabric of his trousers. He jammed his hand in and silenced it before anyone could notice. He expected a commotion from the soldiers as the portion of the fence went off, but not the shriek that followed. Oops, there had been collateral damage, he supposed. Oh well, a little more drama to the situation wasn’t a bad thing. He sighed deeply and plucked his radio from his belt and yelled orders to the team that was already en-route. 

OoOoOo  
Rose was startled by quick running footfalls behind her. There was a crackling of energy and a bright flash the beast cried out, froze and fell to the ground beside the Doctor. A crowd of soldiers quickly amassed around him with more orders being shouted. A hand held gurney was produced and he was dropped onto it and quickly carried off, a large mass of dressings being held to the seeping wound on his neck. 

Rose stood rooted on the spot, mouth agape. A man wearing a uniform approached her, he was speaking into a radio,“…well we need a temporary fence in place for sector 818. My men will hold it for now, but get over here on the double.”


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A few more tonight. I hope you are enjoying it so far. Let the angst begin!

The military man looked down on Rose waiting for her to acknowledge him. Finally, as the men carrying the Doctor rounded a bend in the path she looked up at him. He was a least foot taller than her with short cropped grey hair. His eyes were kind and he wore an expression of concern. “Are you Rose?”

She nodded, still obviously bewildered by what had happened. Some of the men were still there, dumping the now unmoving body of the animal into a cage. 

“I’m Major Frano, but you can call me Wil. What exactly happened?”

“How did you get here so fast?” was all she could muster. 

“We saw you leave the party, our surveillance of the outlying areas is quite good. We’ve been watching you throughout. I was training some new recruits and this was the perfect opportunity. Plus we have a guard shack about 20 meters away, and it was shift change so we had twice the amount of men. It was perfect really. You were very lucky.”

Rose nodded again. Wil’s eyes searched her face for more information. She shuttered a little, ”We were um…talking and all of a sudden the light from the fence went off. Then he…the Doctor…stood up and blocked me from, oh God what was that?”

“That was a Xen. They suck blood and well, other things. They have hundreds of sharp teeth but their bite is not generally deadly, especially if we can get to it before it gets too much blood. It isn’t eating its prey, just puncturing the skin and sucking.“ Rose remembered the Doctor’s earlier jokes with a shiver. 

Wil continued, “Well, hopefully we got to it in time before…um…it sucked too much.”

Will looked down at Rose but she saw that his sympathetic face held something else. Was it sadness? An icy hand of anxiety reached into Rose's chest and took hold of her heart. What else had the Doctor said about those animals and what they ate? She couldn't quite recall. So many of his ramblings were just that and she normally just let him go. She had a vague recollection of him saying something about hormones. 

"Rose?" Will had placed his hand on her shoulder. 

"I'm sorry what?"

Wil gave her a gentle smile. "I asked if you were ready to go to our hospital I can take you." His radio crackled and someone spoke, and he answered quickly. "Looks like Hamut has heard about all this. He wants me to get him too. Are you ready?"

Rose just nodded and pulled the Doctor's overcoat close. The cold hand around her heart had evolved into almost painful foreboding in her head as well. She swallowed hard and blinked back the threatening tears. 

The transport to the hospital was anything but soothing. Rose sat in the back and was joined by Hamut and his advisor Coul. The men were in a heated discussion as to the failure of the security fence. Hamut was appalled that it had a breach and Coul was trying to come up with possible reasons for it. There was plenty of room in the vehicle, and the men sat opposite her. 

Even in the warmth of the overcoat Rose felt cold. She pressed herself into the corner but could not shake the feeling. Here she was, on a strange planet, surrounded by strange, albeit nice people, but completely alone. She felt so small in the face of it all. Nothing was worse to her than the feeling of being helpless, and here it was. No matter how she tried to grasp for something to comfort her, there was nothing there. Her support system was injured, Mum was home, and she couldn't navigate herself back to the TARDIS, plus what if another beast was out there waiting?

The transport lurched to a stop. Rose hadn't even realized that they had been approaching the hospital. She glanced out the window and saw it looming before her. As with everything else, it was brightly lit and huge. It actually looked more like an ornate castle than a hospital. It was iridescent white with spires and everything. 

Hamut reached forward and gently touched Rose on the knee, his face gentle though worry was evident in his eyes. "We're here; the best medical facility in our little corner of the universe. Only the best for the Doctor."

Rose smiled weakly. Perhaps it was the not knowing what was going on, or just the strange surroundings, or maybe how everyone seemed to be a little too nice. Even the young soldier that helped her load into the transport had given her a sympathetic nod and a pat on the shoulder. She had a deep, heavy feeling that something was very wrong. What was going on that they all seemed to know and no one was willing to tell her?

Hamut, Coul and Rose were met at the hospital by a middle aged official looking man. Hamut shook his hand and introduced the others. When it was explained that Rose was his travelling companion, the man, who Rose came to know as a hospital administrator, and immediately forgot his name, she got yet another sad nod. Just another stab to the heart, she figured she was getting quite a collection by now. 

The administrator led Rose and the others down a maze of corridors, all gleaming. He made polite conversation with Hamut and Rose just tagged along, now sure what to say or do. 

They eventually made it to a door that was labeled "Trauma Level Red Care". This name, though it really had no meaning to Rose, still did not help. Hamut turned to Rose with before entering. "Rose, how familiar are you with the Xen and what they do?"

"The Doctor told me that they suck blood and maybe hormones?"

"Right, did you learn anything else?"

"No not really"

Hamut let out a slight sigh. "We actually don't know what effect the Xen will have on the Doctor, especially since he is not one of us. Generally there is a bit of memory loss... um but as I said we don't know. I wish I had more information."

"It's ok, but can I see him? He and I are pretty...um...close and I think we can deal with almost everything." the confidence in her words did not match her voice. 

Hamut sighed again and motioned to the administrator who promptly opened the door to the ward and ushered them in. 

Each room had a row of windows and a large door. It occurred to Rose that this must be the equivalent of an emergency ward. As they approached his room she could see in. He was seated on the bed, awake. She let out a breath she wasn't aware she was holding. There were several nurses in the room and he was looking at them, watching them clean the wound on his neck. The bite marks were all over the left side of his neck but extended onto his left shoulder and chest. None looked particularly bad, but like punctures. The nurse was talking quietly to the Doctor and applying a light green paste to the bites. He was pale but alert. His jacket and shirt had been removed as well as his undershirt. Rose blushed at the sight; a she had truthfully never seen so much of him before. 

The Doctor looked up and smiled brightly as they entered. "Hamut, it seems as one of your lovely creatures decided to use me as a snack." 

"It seems so Doctor!" Hamut retorted. 

Rose was the last one to enter the room and went quickly to his side. She reached for his hand, but as she did he pulled it back as a reflex. She looked at him directly, a look of question and concern playing across her features. Her smile faded as she took in his face. 

"Hello I'm the Doctor, and you are?" he asked, confused expression matching hers.


	6. Chapter 6

Last time:"Hello I'm the Doctor, and you are?" he asked, confusion matching hers.

OoOoOo

The room fell silent. The Doctor still had his eyes on Rose, who had since flushed and opened her mouth without being able to form any words. 

"Doctor, you remember Rose, don't you?" Hamut stepped forward and up to the bedside. Rose took a small step back and unknowingly bumped into him, stumbling a bit, only to have him put a steadying hand on her shoulder. 

"Nope. Who is she?" the Doctor answered, looking Rose up and down with a slight frown. 

"I'm Rose, your...erm... t-travelling companion. Wait, how can you not remember me? We have been together for over a year." she answered, putting her hand to her mouth. 

The Doctor's expression slid from confusion to neutral. "Nope, no way. I travel alone. I'm quite done with companions. And you're human I assume, so definitely not." 

Turning abruptly, Rose looked up to Hamut. "What's going on? You said there may be some memory loss, but a whole year!?" 

The Doctor spoke again, his voice had turned harsher and colder, "Hamut, is this some sort of joke? I mean really she's just a child. What is all this?" His expression has changed again. His features hardened, brows furrowed. He looked…angry, or at least very frustrated. This was not his normal demeanor at all. It struck her that he was acting like a different person. This was someone who didn’t know her at all, someone who obviously was annoyed at her very presence. Calling her a child? Had never thought she was a child, well maybe when they first met, but that made no sense. 

A second glance back at him revealed him looking at her like a warrior looked at his opponent. How could that be? Rose gasped and stepped back even farther, the gaze of the Doctor burning into her. He was obviously trying to get a read on her, evaluating her, trying to see if she was telling the truth. She wanted to yell out, tell him that they were best mates, no, more than that, they had just shared their first real “almost kiss”. That he meant the world to her and she had no plans to ever leave him, but travel at his side for eternity or as close as she could come to that. The icy hand that had held her heart since the incident squeezed tighter. Suddenly she couldn't breathe and was gripped with a wave of nausea. She turned towards the door and ran out of the room, down the hall and finally found an external door. Flinging it open she raced out and wretched behind a nearby bush.   
***   
“Rose? Oh there you are! I’ve been looking everywhere for you.“ Kanna approached Rose out of a shadow. She had been searching the grounds of the hospital. Rose had found a quiet place after emptying the contents of her stomach multiple times. Now she was seated, leaning against a tree just out of the span of light cast by a nearby floodlight. 

Kanna plopped down next to her. “My father called me. He told me what happened and that you freaked out. Not that I wouldn’t have. He figured I could find you. Um, they are releasing him in a little bit.”

Rose looked up at her new friend. Her face still wet, eyes swollen and makeup smeared over her cheeks. “What? How can that be? Something is wrong with him! He has amnesia. They can’t set him free. “

“Rose, he’s actually healing very well. I saw him and talked to him. There was no major damage to his skin or major organs. He’s actually fine; he just looks like he was poked a lot.”

“You saw him?”

“Yes”

“Did he remember you?”

Kanna put a hand on Rose’s knee. “Yes, he did, but it took him a moment. I had to remind him. Last time he saw me I was a young teenager. And I had a really bad haircut and crooked teeth. I had to try to make myself awkward again for him to see it. That actually was not as hard as I would have liked it to be.”

That elicited a small chuckle from Rose. “Kanna, he didn’t know who I was at all. He got instantly annoyed with me.”

Kanna sighed heavily. “Rose, what have they told you about the Xen? “

“That they suck blood and hormones I think, and there can be some memory loss. I didn’t know that he could lose a whole year.”

“Yeah about that… the Xen are really weird animals. They don’t only feed off of blood, but they like the flavor of what is also in the skin and general body juices. Eww … I know.“ Both girls cringed a little. “So anyway, the flavor they like comes from the hormones. If someone is angst ridden, super happy, randy, sad or angry they become tastier to it. They suck out all the hormones they can and that leaves the person without memories.”

“Wait, how is that?”

Kanna pulled a handkerchief from her pocket and began to dab it on Rose’s face to clean the off the makeup. “So, do you know when you are remembering something that made you really happy or sad or embarrassed you don’t just have the memory, but the feelings too? Your heart may race, you may cry again, or you may turn red?”

“Well yes.”

“Same idea. I’m not exactly sure how it works; there is more to it than that. But basically now that it has eaten the stuff, whatever it is, the Doctor won’t be able to access the memories. It’s like they eat the key to them. They are still in there, but he can’t see them. So he just reverts back to what he remembers, which I guess is life before you."

"But why did it go back so far?"

"He must have had a similar reaction to you for a long time. I guess his hormones must have been about the same since he met you. I think the Xen basically erased you. This is the worst case I have heard of though. He must have been VERY um... well. Ok let's do this, what were you doing right before it attacked?”

Rose blushed severely. "We had been out for a walk and just talking." Kanna gave her a fake angry look and motioned for her to give more. "Well we sat down and... oh geez... he kinda kissed me. I mean not really, it was the beginning of a kiss. It was our first time. Well not really, but our first time that we both really knew what we were doing. It's complicated."

Kanna leaned back onto the tree and sighed. "Well that explains it, he was randy!" She wrapped her arms around her waist and doubled over in laughter.

"Oi!" Rose slapped her on the shoulder, but couldn't help having a little chuckle herself. 

"I'm sorry Rose, but it just took forever for you to get there. You should have said it first off. That means he has been thinking of you and having that reaction or a similar one, to you since you have met." She sat back up and sighed, wiping a stray tear from her cheek. 

At the same moment both girls met eyes and transformed into matching sober expressions. Rose spoke first, "And now all of that is gone..."

Kanna pulled her into a hug and whispered into her hair, "Oh my Gods, I'm so sorry."

Pulling back, Rose sighed heavily, " Well when I met him he was a mess. I had to save his life for him to take me seriously. SO I guess I’ll just have to prove to him again that I’m no child. Then I can work to make new memories with him. I just hope he lets me in again. Oh Gods, I hope he lets me stay. He was not an easy person to know back then. We've been so far and seen so much."

"Of course he will let you stay. You're brilliant and gorgeous. He just needs to see that. He’s male, that's all it should take. Though I’ve never seen it for myself I imagine that you can be quite a badass. When he sees that he’ll have no choice to keep you with him. You know that males have two brains and only enough blood to run one at a time. He’ll get a load of you and won’t be able to control himself."  
Rose smiled back at her friend, deeply hoping she spoke the truth. A beeping sound interrupted them, making them both jump. Kanna reached into her pocket and produced a circular device that had a small screen and lit up as it chirped out a little tune. Kanna frowned a little. "It's my father, he says that they are ready to release him. We should go." She stood and offered a hand to help Rose up, but her friend just sat there, looking up at her with sorrowful eyes.

"Come on Rose, we need to start on those memories. You know that some people have been able to get some stuff back, I mean it was limited but if they could get similar feelings to happen sometimes mixed with the right circumstances they can get some back. At least maybe he will remember what you mean to him, and you guys can go from there."

Rose allowed herself to be pulled up. "I guess so; I suppose we should get started." She turned towards the door and headed in this time decidedly slower than she had left the building. Her feet now each felt like they weight 100 kilos each. The weight of the situation made it difficult to move. Having Kanna there helped though, a voice of reason that rang through her confusion at least could mildly calm her wildly beating heart. Rose had almost made it back to the door when Kanna ran up to her. 

"WAIT!" Kanna yelled, almost in her ear. Rose whipped around, startled. 

"What Kanna? Is something wrong?"

"Yes oh my Gods I forgot. You look terrible; I have to clean off all your streak marks. I can't have you walk in there looking like a melted clown. He would run away screaming."Rose gave Kanna a stern look for a second then smiled gratefully back at her friend. Both girls giggled again as Kanna did her best to clean Rose off. 

Back in the emergency ward quite a crowd had gathered around the Doctor's room. Kolf and Carri, the groom and bride to be, were there, as well as various military officers. Rose recognized Wil, the officer that had helped her earlier. He gave her a warm smile and a sad grin. Hamut and Coul were standing in the hallway in a heated but whispered discussion. When Rose approached Coul, he stepped back from her and gave her a look that was not entirely kind. Hamut, however, saw her and put his hand on her shoulder and leaned in. 

"He's doing much better. He is ready to go home. He still can't remember you but I have convinced him that you are a friend and he can trust you. Whatever he reverted to is not very trusting. I think I have it sorted though. I remember this him. It was actually the last time I saw him. It wasn’t a good time for him. It must be just before he met you. But it gives me insight into all you’ve done for him." He bent down so that he was at her eye level. His eyes were beseeching. "I need you to be strong now Rose. You may have a chance to get him back, or maybe part of him. We don't know how this works in his self-proclaimed 'superior time lord' brain. But you got to him before and you can do it again."

Rose nodded and allowed herself to be led to the doorway. Along the way Carri and Kolf both touched her shoulders and Wil put his hand on her back briefly. She could have done without all the sympathy. It only was adding to her impression that this was truly a bad situation and they all knew it. 

Inside the room the Doctor was sitting on the edge of the bed in his trousers, tying one of his trainers. He also wore an undershirt, through which she could see the dressings on his neck and shoulder. She took a few steps in and found his suit jacket folded on a chair. She picked it up and held it out to him. He looked at her without reaching for it. "No." he said simply, "I don't want it." 

Rose took a little step back, at the same time shrugging off the long coat she was still wearing. Suddenly she felt very warm and a little dizzy. "Here then, put this on, it's your favorite." 

His eyes did not leave hers but he reached out for it and gingerly put it on. His gaze was so intense it caused Rose's stomach to turn. She swallowed hard but did not break eye contact. He looked away first, focusing on putting on his other shoe. 

Hamut joined them. “Rose, Doctor, I have hired a transport to take you back to your ship.”

“Thank you Hamut,” the Doctor replied, shooting a sideways glance at Rose. 

Before she knew it, most of the large group of people who had gathered had dispersed. Kanna came and took Rose’s hand and Kolf walked closely behind her as they all walked to the main entrance. The transport was very large in the back with chairs lining the walls. They all piled in and it ended up that the Doctor sat facing Rose, their knees about a foot apart. Hamut, Kolf, Carri, Coul and Wil all sat around the edges too. Kanna took her place next to Rose and continued to hold her hand. 

For the entire ride Rose could feel the eyes of the Doctor on her, but she just couldn’t bring herself to look up at him. Was he evaluating her? Trying to remember? Angry? There was no telling. His expression hadn’t changed from the annoyed, furrowed brow one he had earlier. He certainly showed no signs of softening like usual. It was hardened, cold, and entirely different from the man she knew, well at least lately.

Upon arriving at the TARDIS everyone jumped out and the Doctor hurried past them, slightly jostling Rose in the process. Normally that would have met with a playful “Oi!” but in this case she just righted herself and followed him in. The others stopped at the door like an unknown force kept them from entering their home. Rose turned to see six pairs of sad eyes on her. They all knew what she had been internally denying. What she had with him was probably gone but no one was willing to admit it. 

Kanna motioned to Rose to come back and whispered to her,” Come see me tomorrow.” She handed her the little communicator she had gotten a message on earlier. "I'll send you a message. Push this blue button to answer. You can just talk into it and it will send me a message in text."

Rose nodded as Hamut raised his voice a little to address the Doctor, who had made his way to the console. “Doctor, I know it’s late now, after you sleep and recover, I’d like both of you to please join us. As I told you at the hospital, you are here for Kolf’s wedding and we are having a much more informal gathering tomorrow evening when more family is to arrive.”

The Doctor softened ever so slightly and answered, “I’d love to join you Hamut. I’ll come round for tea.” He didn’t mention Rose coming with him at all. With that the group all waved at the two of them and closed the door, leaving her very much alone, with him.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So they're "home" now but will it help? Now that you have a feel for it, how about shooting me a comment? I would be eternally grateful.

The Doctor stood at the console, arms at his sides, just looking at her. The weight of his stare was too much for Rose, who pasted on a big grin and said, “Well then, do we need to go to the med-bay and finish patching you up?”

He slowly shook his head. ”No,“ he answered simply. 

“Are you hungry? I can make you some food.”

“No." He sat down on the jump seat. He took a breath as his eyes travelled up her body. "So do you live here... with me?"

"Yes," anticipating his next question she continued, "we figure that it has been a little over an Earth year now." 

"How did you find me?" He had reclined on the seat a little but still looked tense and uncomfortable. His arms were straight and he gripped the seat tightly. He voice was not calm either. His words were clipped and emotionless. 

"You found me actually. Do you remember the Nestene consciousness? The walking shop window dummies? The grabby arm that tried to kill us both?" She let out a little laugh with the memory. 

His face, however, did not mirror her mirth. It hadn't changed at all actually. "No I don't remember." He sucked a deep breath and hopped to his feet. "I need to sleep. Can you tell me where my bedroom is? I don't want to have to go find it."

Rose shook her head just a fraction trying to shake off his attitude, or lack of attitude. He gave nothing to hang onto; no emotion, no give and take. It was like he had his personality sucked out too. Or perhaps there was something there, under his facade. His eyes seemed colder; his face never lost its air of anger or maybe not anger, so much as the feeling of being on guard. 

She stepped further up the grating, but not too close to him. "I'll take you; it's near my room usually."

To this the Doctor cocked his head to the side in confusion and raised his eyebrows slightly. "Near yours, hmmm," was all he said. 

She led him down the hall and luckily the TARDIS had not decided to move his room. She had a nasty habit of doing that, especially when they had been quarreling, forcing them to resolve their issues before one of them could rest. Rose opened his door, stepped in and stopped. 

"This place is a mess," he said as he took it all in. There were his typical assortment of bits and bobs scattered on various surfaces as well as a bed in the corner. It was made up nicely and looked as if it had not been slept in recently. It too had devices scattered around on it along with several open books. 

"Yes, you like to tinker. I try not to go in here much for fear of stepping on something and impaling myself."

He turned abruptly to her and she took a quick step back. "I need to sleep." A moment later he added, "Goodnight, erm, Rose."

He started to close the door and Rose turned to walk away to her own room muttering, "Goodnight Doctor." She heard the quiet creak of his door but not the click of the latch. She knew he was watching her again. She could feel his eyes burning into her back. The worst part was that she didn't know why he kept evaluating her every move. Worse than that, she had no idea where she stood with him anymore. She knew him, she knew him in two different manifestations, but he knew nothing of her. If she thought about it, it must be extremely difficult for him too. If he was indeed the man he was just before they met, he was still struggling. But on top of that he had a “child” forced upon him who claimed to know him. 

Upon getting to her room she went in and locked the door. Not like it would keep him out, but it somehow made her feel more comfortable. There was no reason to think he was any sort of threat, but rather he didn't know who he was either. 

OoOoOo

Rose took a long shower that included a fair amount of weeping and a few episodes of outright sobbing. Now that she was alone she didn’t need to pretend to be OK with everything. How could he not remember her? There had to be a little snippet of her in there somewhere. No this would turn out alright, it had to. She was going to be with him forever. She had been there with him, his other him, and helped shape him into who he is now. Or at least she thought she had. It was all so confusing, downright nauseating really. 

Finally after rubbing her skin nearly raw in the shower, she dressed simply and jumped into bed, burying herself under the duvet. In the process, she took care not to look at her treasures displayed throughout the room. It was too much. She didn’t want to see anything, especially anything that reminded her of what they had. Sleep found her surprisingly fast. 

OoOoOo

Rose rolled over in bed and stretched. She had slept well despite the situation. She figured it had to do with the total exhaustion not letting her brain produce any dreams at all. She was sore though, and didn’t know why, besides emotional strife there hadn’t been much physical activity. But she could feel that her face was swollen. Her eyes opened slowly and not all the way at first. She imagined she was quite a sight. But then at the same time realized that no one was really looking. 

The lights had come up slightly as was usually the case when she woke. Placing her hand on the wall she quietly thanked the TARDIS for being there. She never knew if she really understood her when she tried to communicate with her, but the TARDIS did seem to react with a variety of hums. 

On unsteady legs she stood and stretched again. Her eyes were definitely swollen but now she could at least open them properly. When she felt sturdy, she entered her closet and chose a simple outfit of jeans and a vest top covered by a hoodie. It was her normal uniform. Thinking again she chose a nicer outfit and draped it over the back of her chair for later. She checked the time on her phone to find it was approaching midday on this planet. The little communicator Kanna had given her lay on the table next to the phone. Rose shoved it into her pocket then sat down to apply her makeup. 

Her heart really wasn't in it, and she ended up settling for a little mascara, light eyeliner and hair in a ponytail. She frowned at her reflection, she did look like she had been crying. Well there was nothing she could do about it now. "It'll have to do," she told herself. 

Sitting in her chair it occurred to Rose that she really didn’t know what was happening that day. She figured she would be with Kanna at some point, but not sure when. Sha also knew that at some point she would have to talk to the Doctor, start to work on things, but sitting there, she realized that she just have it in her at that moment. 

As if to give her direction she needed, her stomach growled. “Well then I have my answer,” she said to herself, and headed to the galley to find breakfast. She knew that after vomiting last night it may be difficult to eat, but if she didn’t at least have something she would be beyond famished later. If nothing else she could make tea. 

Rose peeked out of her room into the hallway and found it clear. There was actually no noise at all that she could hear. She carefully made her way, honestly not knowing what she would say to the Doctor if she met up with him. 

The galley was mercifully empty when she entered. She went about making tea, much like she had every day, unconsciously readying both of their mugs and enough tea for two. It was habit more than anything. She was well into the steeping process and munching on a biscuit when she heard the swoosh of clothes behind her. 

There he was, leaning on the door jamb staring at her...again. 

"Good morning, feeling any better? I made tea.” She smiled brightly at him. He walked in, eyes still on her, and sat at the table. She gaped at his clothes. He no longer was wearing his pin stripes, but black jeans and a maroon jumper. They didn’t hang loosely on him like they had after regeneration but they were definitely the clothes style he wore before, minus the leather jacket. She supposed she shouldn’t be surprised at his change of wardrobe, since he was mentally back to being the man she knew before this. She did wonder how he had the right sizes of things now.   
Rose schooled her features, trying not to show just how much this recent turn of events upset her. He didn’t react though, so she had no way of knowing if he had noticed. 

“Um you changed clothes, was something wrong with your suit?”

“No, I just don’t think it was me. This is much more comfortable.” He flipped his hand to indicate his outfit. 

Rose half smiled at him, ”It’s just that you were wearing something like that when we first met. I knew you before this you.”

“So you were there for my last regeneration?”

“Yes”

“Hmmf,” he nodded curtly. 

She set his cup in front of him and he wrapped his hands around it. “So where and when are you from?” 

“London, wait…why?” she answered, joining him at the table with her mug. 

“It’s just a question. I can tell by your clothes that it’s early in the 21st century.“ 

“Ok… but why?” suddenly Rose’s eyes went wide and the color drained from her face. She looked down at her cup to keep him from seeing. She continued in a much smaller voice, ”You aren’t thinking of taking me home are you? Is it just because you don’t remember me? I mean Kanna said there is a chance that you could get some memory back. Wait, I’ll be right back.” She hustled from the room before he could answer her. A minute later she returned with a large photo album and set it on the table before him. 

He made no motion to open the book but set his eyes on her again. “Look Rose, I don’t know who you are, I’m sure you are a good person, but I don’t really have room for a companion.”

“You mean in the TARDIS? You could fit the entire population of China in here and still have room.”

“No I mean with me. I’m not the kind of man who attaches to people and drags them though the cosmos. “

“How do you know? You used to always have someone with you, you’ve told me! How can that be such a stretch right now? We travel together, how can you not remember anything? What is the last thing you remember?”

He leaned back in his chair and crossed his arms on his chest. “I don’t see how that is any of your business.” 

“You made it my business. We talk about stuff. Not much stuff but sometimes we… well let me show you.“ Rose came around beside him and opened the book. “See? I took this one when we went to the market on that planet, oh what was it called? Oh yes Ono! And we had those fruit drinks and gelatin filled biscuits, and then we had to run for our lives! We do that quite a lot actually.” She flipped to the front of the book. “Oh and look, you are at Christmas. There is my mum, Mickey… it was right after you regenerated.“

He sighed, ”That can’t be me.”

“Well of course it is, look.”

“No, it can’t be. I don’t do domestics. I don’t know what you are trying to do here but…”

She cut him off abruptly, ”You do and you did! You were at my house, we ate dinner!" His eyes widened at her outburst. She took a breath and started again, "Look I know that you want to get rid of me, but I know what kind of TARDIS pilot you are. What if you go to run me back and then land here at the wrong time or something? You can't say that that hasn't happened before. The last thing you want is a paradox yah? Just keep me here, at least for a little while. I'll be no bother I promise." 

Rose was desperate to stay, but would not let it play out before him. She struggled to not break into tears, grab him and shake him. He had no basis for her reactions and she did not want him to think he had a raving lunatic on his hands. The Doctor leaned forward and examined the pictures before him, slowly flipping a few pages then shaking his head slowly. 

"Fine, you can stay until the wedding. But don't expect me to cater to you. I told you I have no room for you and I was not lying. It’s best if I travel alone. I honestly don’t know how you ended up here with me. Not after everything…"he cut himself off. Rose thought for a second he was going to mention the time war, but he stopped just short. He closed the book and picked up his tea, taking a sip, which he promptly spit out all over her closed book. "Oh that is awful! What is that?"

Rose reached out and rescued her book. Tucking it under her arm she retreated to the doorway. "That is tea, the way you like it."

"It tastes like piss."

"Wow...really?" she couldn't contain her sarcasm. Her free hand was now firmly planted on her hip, staring back at him with the same intensity he gave her. She bit down hard on her lip to keep to keep from adding what she really thought. Her normal Doctor was rude, maybe by his terms, but usually very polite. It was hard to believe that going backwards as he did erased his inherent kindness. Though it apparently erased his taste in tea. She watched him sit there, now staring back at her, and instead of the annoyance she had moments ago, now she had sympathy. The man in front of her had lost himself. He had lost a whole person. He had no idea what was happening around him, only what had happened last. That was the war. He was still thinking like a warrior. He had lost so much in the war, and felt like he didn’t want to be with anyone again. That's why he had no room for her. He had no room for anyone, and beyond that, as he was concerned she never had existed. 

Their staring match was interrupted by a beeping coming from Rose's pocket. She broke her eye contact to dig out the communicator. The screen had a message “You+me+food?” It was from Kanna. 

"It's a message from Kanna. She wants me to come eat. "

"Rose, what you do does not concern me, just so long as you are here after the wedding and will own up to your proper time and place so I can return you." the Doctor said matter-of-factly. 

With that Rose turned to leave, with not so much as a goodbye. She had just stepped out when she heard him call out. “Just how close were we?”

Rose kept on walking and pretended not to hear him and he didn’t repeat himself. Explaining now was too hard. Shouldn’t the pictures have been enough? It should have been obvious how close they were. 

On the other hand, he had made it more than clear that didn't care where she went or what she did, so in that case she would leave him to his own devices. She knew it was petty and counterproductive, but she was adjusting too. Rising above all this was going to take time. Right now she needed some space. 

As she entered her room she pushed the button and spoke into the communicator. "I'll be there soon, I'm hungry."

She grabbed her clothes for the evening, not intending to come back at least until bedtime. On second thought she packed a small bag just in case. The device beeped again: “How is it over there? Do you want to pack some things and stay tonight with me?"

Rose grinned at the insight of Kanna. She picked up the communicator again and spoke, "Yes that sounds nice, and it is rather chilly in here. It'll be nice to be around someone less cranky."

The communicator beeped once more as Rose came from her en suite, carrying her toiletries. “Oh good, it will be fun. I would like you to be here. I promise to be less cranky than him. Plus something may or may not have just crawled under my bed and I need you to come get it. I think it may be a bug, or an animal or a small hairy person. I'll not move on it until you're here. I’ve sent a transport. It will be there in about an hour.”

Packing went very fast for Rose and soon she found herself with extra time. She didn’t want to encounter the Doctor again, but by the same token, the walls of her room were beginning to close in. She slung her bag over her shoulder and decided to take a chance, maybe the TARDIS would be nice and let her wander around for a while, maybe discover another squash court, as the Doctor seemed prone to losing them. But as fate would have it, the TARDIS was not feeling helpful and Rose soon found herself approaching the console room where a distinct banging sound could be heard. Maybe just being close and helpful would jog something, she mused. She could only hope. 

The Doctor stood at the console. He had taken a large panel off it and was holding a tangled mess of wires in his hand. "Who fixed this?" he asked at no one in particular, a tinge of frustration punctuating his question.

"You I 'spose," she answered, causing him to spin around to see her. Rose entered the room and walked up the grating to be beside him, then perched herself and her bag on the jump seat. It was a bold move and she knew it, given their last exchange. But at that moment she wasn’t scared of him, more wary. At least every experience they had together would have a chance of jogging his memory, or so she hoped. 

He tossed the wires back into the console with a grunt. "Well whoever did it, it was stupid. It's all bungled up now." He ran his hand through his hair, a motion Rose particularly liked. That was a motion of the him she knew. It was promising. She smiled a little. 

"What?" he asked.

"Nothing"

He turned back to his work and grabbed the wires again. "Hand me the silicone magnifier."

Rose sat there for a moment, he never addressed her like that, at least without a please or thank you. This time he didn't even look up. Figuring she would be helping, and helping was good, she slipped off the seat and went over to where he had several tools laying out. She pondered which one he wanted for a little while and only grabbed one when he sighed loudly. With a silent prayer that she got it right she held it out to him. Without taking his eyes off his repairs he took it, then dropped it with a CLANG.

He looked up fiercely. "Really, you say that you travel with me, yet have you not learned which tools are which? I use this one all the time." He pushed in front of her and grabbed one next to where the original one had been, wiggling it sarcastically in front of her face. 

Instantly Rose deflated again. "I usually don't do much…"

He interrupted her, "Aren't you supposed to go play with your friend?"

With that Rose got up, didn’t give him another glance, grabbed her bag and went outside to wait for her transport.  
The Doctor shook his head again sighed, watching her go. As the door shut behind her he leaned against the console and scrubbed his hands over his face. 

His mind was going fast again. Ticking off problems and possibilities, clouding his thoughts with her, with Rose. Who was that girl? So confident and trusting yet frustrating? She was trying, that was clear, but to what end? He didn’t need someone, why would he have chosen her? But he had seen the pictures, and they looked close. That’s why he had asked her, knowing that she had heard him and had also opted not to answer. If he took the time to admit it she was actually lovely; in more ways than one. How could she live here? There was no way she was with him before for any length of time and by no means should she stay. He didn’t deserve anyone, not after all that had happened. But he also knew that time had passed and things must have happened. He must have seen the light at some time if he let her in. But none the less, it wasn’t safe here for a human, not with him, especially such a young one. And yet…


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In this installment they move forward... or maybe backward... maybe sideways? It's not good whatever it is. How about a comment?

The transport arrived after about 15 minutes, during which Rose kicked rocks, threw a few and generally tried to calm the rush of feelings and anger swirling around her head. She needed time to sort things out and maybe come up with a plan. He was so resistant to her, what could she do? It’s not like she could go about convincing him that they had something special. He would never believe her. If he kept pushing her away there was no way to get closer. Time was running out and if she didn’t him to see her and to see them for what they were, she would be sent home. In a blink of an eye it all would be over.  
She rode in silence replaying her last interactions with the Doctor over and over in her head. Perhaps his temper was a defense mechanism, but from what? She certainly was of no threat to him. But maybe he perceived her as such. If he was still thinking he was recovering from the war, maybe that he was capable of. That was a possibility that she wsn’t willing to accept. She couldn’t.  
Soon she was back at Kanna’s house and her friend was waiting for her outside. Kanna waved as Rose got out of the vehicle then ran to her, hugging her warmly. 

“Are you OK?” Kanna stepped back and took Rose’s bag. 

“I don’t know. It’s really weird. He’s not himself and it’s scary. Not frightening like he’ll do something, but scary looking at him and knowing he wants to dump me off at home. He actually said that. I actually think the worst part is that he thinks I am lying to him about who we were together.”

"He's the same man Rose..."

"I don't know... he's colder. He's not even like the man I chose to travel with. I know he is still himself, but even the version I met was nicer. Well I think he was nicer. At least he took me seriously. He saved my life you know? Right from the start. He held out his hand and told me to run. And we never stopped. That first night he actually blew up my job. But then he came back and got me, well it’s kinda complicated, but I ended up with him. And we grew together. I know he’s in there but I don’t know if I have it in me to draw it out of him.”

“He is, and you do have it in you. You just have to give him time to figure it out, or figure you out. Oh and I think you should lie to him... at least a little. Now is the perfect time to fill his head with stuff about you two having an amazing love life and him hanging on your every word. Oh and how he gives you massages and lets you sleep late. You can totally do whatever you want, him being a blank slate and all.”

“But he just told me he doesn’t care what I do. He just wants me back after the wedding so he can take me home.”

“Does he realize the monumental git he has become?”

“No, oh! And he changed clothes. He’s wearing what he wore when I met him. He says that he is more comfortable in the old clothes, but they look funny on him. And he's colder, and keeps staring at me. It’s unsettling. “

“Are you sure he's not checking you out?”

“Quite.”

“Git.”

Rose shook her head and took a slow breath as if to change gears. “How about you, I thought I had to save you from a monster.”

Kanna grinned, “Oh yeah, it was a clump of dust, there was a draft and it blew under my bed.”

“I’m glad it didn’t try to kill you.”

“I think it was sentient though, ‘twas an epic battle getting it into the bin. I nearly died.”

“I’m glad you lived. I brought nail polish. I would hate to have to put it on alone.”

Hanna laughed deeply and led Rose into their kitchen for lunch. 

OoOoOo

The girls had a pleasant lunch and spent the rest of the afternoon laughing, looking at videos, sharing their favorite music and just being girls. It was refreshing to Rose to relax and just have fun. Kanna really understood her and she was comfortable around her. She really needed someone to laugh with and it felt so good. Plus this girl made her laugh until her stomach hurt. 

As the suns began to set they began to ready themselves for the dinner party. Apparently weddings were a several day affair here in Enning. Friends and family frequently came and stayed for a week or longer. There were multiple parties with different people, each getting bigger as more people arrived. Tonight was the last one before the wedding, and the biggest. 

Kanna’s communicator rang as Rose was plaiting her hair. She reached for it when Rose finished and tied a red ribbon on the end. “Oh this is interesting…” Kanna said. 

“Hmmm?” Rose had moved on to putting on more mascara. 

This is, um… someone I like. Umm wow, I think there may be a little jealousy here. She wants to know if I can come over. She must know I’m with a hot babe.”

Rose turned instantly red. “Ah Kanna? I’m flattered, I really am…geez…but… oh I don’t know how to do this. I like boys… men… you know?”

Kanna looked beseechingly at Rose, lower lip quivering. “Rose…” she looked away and sighed, ” you’re not my type.” She broke into a huge smile and laughed out loud. “I knew you liked boys from the moment I met you. My gods, you were practically drooling on the Doctor. Plus you are WAY to pale for me.”

Rose fell back onto the bed laughing. “Am I that obvious? “ She sat up, wiping her eyes. “Well I guess that’s all gone now; at least on his side.”

“Oh I don’t know, he may still come around. You know, I got bit once.”

“Really? What happened?”

“It was before the fence was as strong as it is now…well as strong as it is supposed to be. Anyway, I was sitting in park watching Kolf play a game and suffering over my math lesson. I was afraid I may fail and was really worried. I felt a prick on my ankle and a little Xen had attached itself. It must have sneaked through a hole. Anyway I screamed like a little girl and my father came and kicked it away. I lost a whole month of lessons. “

“But did you recover?” Rose asked, nibbling on her thumbnail.

“Yes, I had to have a private tutor for a while, but eventually all that math anxiety came back and so did the memories. It took long time though. I still only remembered certain things. My tutor had a lot of work to do. But she really was good. I wish that stupid Xen would have sucked out something else though, like when I tucked my skirt into my knickers and no one told me, or I had food in my teeth for pictures, or when I burped in front of a cute girl and she called me a barbarian.”

“So I have to get him to think about me the same way as he did before? Like have the same emotions and stuff? Do you think that will do it?”

“It helps to have the same emotions that you were having when you were bitten yes, like my math anxiety. But it doesn’t always work. Plus he’s a Timelord, who knows what he thinks and how he feels things?” Reading Rose’s expression change from hopeful to hopeless Kanna added, ”But maybe it will be better.”

“It can’t be much worse. He hates me now. He thinks I’m a liar and looks at me like I am doing something wrong all the time. How can I possibly get him to think of me the same way under those conditions? I think it may be a lost cause.”

“It’ll get better I promise Rose. If not I’ll kick him really hard.” Kanna took Rose’s hand. 

“I like having you on my side, Kanna.” Rose smiled back.

OoOoOo  
Dinner was a casual affair that night. The food was buffet style and there were clusters of chairs and tables scattered all over expanse of the patio. Rose and Kanna sat together joined by a bunch of girls their age who proceeded to giggle and gossip their way through the meal. Being around the girls again made Rose comfortable, plus they were really funny and it was a welcome diversion. They were a lot like Kannan and were made up of cousins and close family friends. 

The only awkward moment was one of the girls noticed and pointed out an attractive man sitting across the way with the older men. She was indicating the Doctor. He had added a black leather coat to his ensemble, completing his look. Rose couldn’t tell if it was the original one or not, but surmised that it matched how he felt about himself at the moment. She surmised that it he felt like the old him he would at least start to dress like it. Though she knew him in this outfit, she hadn’t known him at the beginning of it. Somehow that made it feel unfamiliar.  
The girl that had noticed him thought he looked "sexy and mysterious", leaving Rose no words. She had never been on the other side of someone admiring the doctor.Soon the others joined in. Kanna just gave her a sympathetic look. Then, of course, the increased activity with all the giggling and shushing of the girls at their table caught his attention.  
Rose wanted to crawl under the table. He again fixed his gaze on her and his mouth quirked up ever so slightly, but she couldn't tell if it was the beginning of a smile or a smirk. Then it was gone in a flash. The girls eventually moved on to other targets, especially when Kanna broke through their giggles and described the Doctor as "old and crusty". 

The evening progressed from there and soon music started. Rose danced with Kanna, never quite shaking the feeling that she was being watched. Even though the girls left the Doctor alone, that was not the case with the older women. Rose caught sight multiple times of women surrounding him; offering drinks and sitting close under the guise of trying to hear him over the loud music. After a while she had had enough. He seemed mildly attentive to them, but certainly talking more to them than he had to her. 

Rose's increasing ire did not go unnoticed by Kanna. "Hey," she said, grabbing Rose's arm, "he probably knows them. Those are mostly my aunts and they are pretty much all single and desperate. But they have been around when he has visited before so they may be familiar. He just seems to be sitting there though. Don't read too much into it. Plus he can't keep his eyes off you.“ Just as she said that, one particularly annoying woman "tripped" and stumbled onto him, landing on his lap. They both smiled and laughed at this and she looped her arms around his neck. 

That tore it. "I'm done Kanna, I'm going for a walk."

"Hold up I'll come with you."

"No, really I'm ok, stay with your cousins and the others. I won't wander far. I'll be back after a bit."

"OK, come back soon or I'll send all the unattractive army guys to look for you!" 

"Deal," Rose laughed, and slipped off the patio into the darkness. 

The Doctor, still with the lady on his lap, gently pushed her off and helped her stand. "You know honey," she slurred slightly, "we could spend a little more time together later. I’m here for a week."

The Doctor smiled weakly, "Thank you no, I am, uh, complicated enough as it is. I have to go." As he was addressing her, he saw Rose sneak away. His hearts quickened as he watched her go. He couldn’t look away from her, his eyes had been drawn to her all night. He also knew she had noticed, but he couldn’t help it. He was drawn to her be some force he couldn’t explain. He just couldn't get the questions about her out of his head. Who was she to him? And why was he unable to tear his eyes from her?  
Now she had gone and disappeared on him. He had to follow, if not to meet up with her and mend fences so to speak, at least to be sure she was safe. Even though he had no idea who she was, if she was telling the truth she was his companion and he was bound to protect her.  



	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whoops! I posted chapter 8 attached to Chapter 9. That's the problem when I write it all in one long document. But I'll post more tonight also.

Chapter 9  
Rose found herself on a well-worn path and opted to follow it. The night was warm and she did not need her jacket. She did, however, miss his coat draped over her shoulders. Instead she hugged her arms around her body tightly. She followed the path that led along the red fence. Something on the other side caught her eye. It was a flash of white. She stopped and looked. Sure enough, several Xen had congregated on the other side. They were bounding over each other. It almost looked like they were jockeying for position. When she looked closer she was shocked to see that there were even more than she thought. She shivered a little to herself and held out a hand towards the fence. She could feel the energy field and it was comforting. Hopefully it would never fail again. The thought of it disappearing scared her enough to make her jog a little more down the trail to where it turned away from the fence.

Up ahead was a brightly lit building. It wasn't very big and only had windows around the tops of its walls and around the door. A young soldier stood at the door, gun in hand, but his posture was relaxed, like he was guarding something he wasn't terribly interested in. A loud wail sounded periodically from inside, behind him. 

Rose approached the building out of curiosity. If nothing else she could strike up a conversation with the young man for fun and relieve his boredom. She smiled widely at him as she walked up, and he returned the expression. "Can I help you ma'am?" the soldier asked.

"Hi I'm Rose." she offered, "I was just out for a walk and heard the noises from this building. What are you protecting?"

"Oh aren't you the girl who's boyfriend got bit?"

"Well he's not my boyfriend, far from it actually, but yes my friend got bitten."

"Sorry ma'am. I just heard the story."

"It's OK, he's mostly alright, but can't remember anything." She shook her head. "Anyway, what's your name?"

"I'm Kirna."

"Nice to meet you, Kirna. What are you guarding?"

Kirna made a face of disgust. "I have to watch the Xen. It's the one who attacked your friend, except he is in a cage and won't stop wailing. He can't get out. I don't know why I‘m here."

"Can I see him?" Rose was unexplainably enthralled with the idea of the Xen being so close. 

"Ah I don't know. "

"Oh come on Kirna," Rose smiled flirtatiously, tongue poking out ever so slightly from the corner of her mouth. 

"Alright, but just for a moment, I could get into trouble." Kirna did not meet her eyes. She suspected that it was because he was blushing severely. He turned and keyed open the lock then led her into the room and over to the other side. They stopped a few feet from the cage. The Xen turned abruptly and faced her, its huge eyes taking her in. It did not move aggressively but actually made a little purring noise. 

"Wow he sure is different than he was when he bit the Doctor," she marveled. "He seems so calm now. Before he was growling and looking like he wanted to attack me too. "

"He probably did, but he's had a good meal now and he most likely won't need to feed again for a few days. The Doctor must have had a lot of emotion, whether it was anger or whatever. This little guy is fat and happy."

Rose "Hmphed" a little at the comment about emotions. Just then Kirna's radio went off.

"Rose I have to call in, are you OK here for a few moments? Please just keep your distance. I'll get killed if something happens to you."

"I'm fine, thanks Kirna." The young man nodded and left the room.

Rose turned back to the Xen, which had moved on to making little chirping sounds. She crouched in front of the case and stared deeply into its eyes. It looked anything but mean or predatory. In fact it looked much like a house cat. Its eyes were almost sorrowful. 

"How could a nice kitty like you do so much damage?" she asked it. She got series of melodic murmurs in response. "What are you trying to say?" She scooted a little closer; glancing over her shoulder to be sure Kirna wasn't going to stop her. "You took my best friend, you know." The Xen lifted its head a bit and opened its mouth slightly. She grinned down at it, "We were...oh I don't know. We were... something...special… and you took that. Now I can't get it back. He's so amazing. Well I suppose I should say he WAS amazing. Now I don't know, it’s like we have nothing. For the first time ever I’m uncomfortable with someone I thought I would be with forever. I love this life I have but..." The animal leaned its head on the bars and opened its mouth a little wider, purring. 

Rose laughed, "You remind me of my friend's cat. Anyway, I love my life ya know? I don't want to go home to my boring world, now that I have seen the universe. It’ll be like my whole world will be taken from me. But I guess I can't stay with him, especially if he hates me, which seems to be the case." She sighed. “It’s hard to save the universe when your partner can’t stand to be with you. I can’t help think that if you hadn’t come along…”she stopped before she could finish and looked down at the floor with a sigh. 

The Xen made another purring noise and caught her eyes. Then inexplicably it unrolled its long tongue from its gaping mouth. It extended out the bars and ended at her feet. All told it was about a foot long. Rose jumped back a little, but the animal did not flinch, but rather looked at her imploringly. It continued to purr and chirp, the tones were soothing and gentle. It almost seemed like it was trying to tell her something. It kept looking at her then down to its tongue and back again. 

Rose reached out tentatively but pulled back suddenly. What if it was a trap and it was planning on pulling her in and biting her? It hadn't moved, its eyes still gentle. It made her feel comfortable. Rose reached out slowly. As her hand got a little closer she could feel its hot breath on the back of her hand. 

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING?" screamed an all too familiar voice behind her. 

Rose retracted her hand and jumped away from the cage. The Doctor stood in the doorway, hands on hips, face screwed up in anger. She looked back to the Xen, who had since pulled back its tongue and retreated to the back of the cage. 

Rose turned to face him entirely. "I was just..."

He cut her off, "That thing could have killed you, what were you thinking?”

"I don't know." She wrapped her arms around her body. Finding sudden interest in her feet. 

"I can see that you didn’t know. Honestly! You...you..."

Rose’s head shot up and she took a step towards him. "Don't you EVEN start with that stupid ape bit!" she yelled, taking a few more steps toward him. “This was none of your business. You are not my keeper, heck you don’ t even know me! You can’t tell me what to do!” 

"Well it certainly wasn't a smart thing to do now was it?"

"I love it when you insult my intelligence" she smirked, "it's not like you care or anything. Why can't you just leave me alone? I’m terribly sorry if I put a cramp in your lifestyle. You will be able to have your precious life back after tomorrow. I'm done." She had stepped up to him with her last statement, and then pushed past him out the door. 

The Doctor turned and followed but stopped just outside the entrance, mouth agape. Done? How can she be done? Done with him? He shook his head again. Why was there nothing in there about her? He couldn’t stop thinking about her. Even when surrounded by other women.  
She was such a strong girl, woman actually. Smart and savvy too. He had come into the room as she was talking and heard part of what she said to the Xen. Until then he hadn’t truly realized what she thought about him, at least the him before the attack. He caught her talking with no pretense. It was what she truly thought, laying it all out to the animal that had started all this. It was amazing to hear what they had had. He only wished that he had a memory of it. His initial reaction to take her home was a gut one. But the more he saw the more he wanted to keep seeing. But he just didn’t know how tell her.  
When he had heard her, he had to fight all his impulses to walk right up to her. But for some reason he couldn’t. If only he could remember it! He exhaled roughly. His time to sort this was running out quickly. He watched her retreat back to the house. He heard someone approaching behind and turned to see a wide eyed Kirna.

"Wow, what was that?" the bewildered young man asked. 

"That, my dear boy, was a woman's scorn; possibly among the strongest forces in the universe." 

"Yeah and it looks like it is going to take a lot to turn that around."

"You don't know the half of it." The Doctor bid the guard good night and headed back towards the house. It was time to put things right. The problem was that he had no idea how to do it.


	10. Chapter 10

Rose ran back to the house and found Kanna still on the patio. "Rose what happened? You look horrible." Kanna pulled her aside and away from the group. 

"I'm ok, really Kanna, it's just him. I just need to get away from him and from all of this. I can't even go home, to the TARDIS I mean. He watches me every moment. He never stops judging me. ARG!" She shook her head violently. Kanna drew her into a hug. "Kanna? I think I want to go home, to my real home. I think I may be over all this. Oh my god, I can't believe I just said that. But I can't take him anymore."

"Rose, don’t worry, anyway you’re spending the night here anyway. It'll be OK. Come on, some of my cousins want to hang out in my room. Let's just take this a little at a time. In the morning we can look through my closet for all the clothes that people buy me that I will never wear. Trust me, it's a lot. And you can choose anything you want to wear. You won't have to see him until after the wedding. Maybe he’ll relax. I can also still kick him if you need."

Rose laughed, "How do you do that? You always know what to say." The girls linked arms and headed into the house. 

OoOoOoOoOo  
The Doctor stood just outside the light of the patio, listening. He heaved a sigh and stuffed his hands into his jacket pockets. As he stepped onto the patio he was quickly enveloped by partygoers. The mood was still the same and women flirted openly, looping their arms around his neck, waist, whatever they could reach. He put his head down and just kept walking. He got to the other side of the patio leaving about seven unhappy women in his wake. When he finally got off the patio and through the house he broke into a run. 

OoOoOoOoOo

Two men watched the Doctor from a distance. They too were in the shadows. The older one spoke first, "Are we ready?"

The second one nodded, but realized he could not be seen in the dark. "Yes sir. It will go off without a hitch. The timer is set and I have double-checked it. I even have a fail-safe remote control. Have you seen the animals assembling too? The cries of the captured one are drawing them in. This is going to be huge."

"Yes it better go seamlessly. If not, you will know for sure, and you will never forget."

"Yes sir."

*** 

The Doctor ran through the console room into the hall and up to Rose’s room, where he skidded to a stop. This was her private room and he really had no business being there. He turned the knob slowly and peeked in, knowing full well that she was not there but feeling nervous none the less. Her room was lit in a soft pink light that got a little brighter as he entered. 

Her bed was unmade; the duvet perched haphazardly on top. He just stood for a moment taking the rest in. Every surface was covered with nicely arranged baubles, pictures and treasures. The shiny things twinkled in the light. He surveyed the room by slowly walking around it, careful not to touch anything. Seeing all the things that were Rose’s memories was like a shot to the heart. He did not remember anything. Not the pictures that he was clearly in, not the trinkets that she held dear.

Her photo album had been thrown onto the bed. He pushed the rest of the duvet away and plopped down next to the book, taking it in his hands. He couldn’t help but notice and then breathe in the smell of the bed. It was sweet, like what she smelled like when she had been close, which had not been much lately. He took a moment to inhale, hoping that her scent would bring back something, anything, but nothing came. 

He opened the album and examined each picture. He felt a twinge of guilt when he remembered denying the pictures were of him. He actually accused her of lying to him. There he was, clearly in all these places, doing all these things with this girl, this amazing girl. He slapped himself on the forehead and groaned. Why was none of this coming back?

OoOoOoOoOoOoO

The mood in Kanna's room was drastically different from the one in Rose's in the TARDIS. The friends and cousins swarmed Rose and went about picking out clothes for her and playing with her hair. Kanna hadn't even had to say anything, the girls just picked up on the suffering of a fellow female. The need to cheer someone up must be a universal Rose mused. 

She was met with "We will have you so done up his eyes will pop out!" and "He has no idea what he is getting himself into." and finally, "You are going to be so hot he won't be able to keep his hands off you." The last one she didn't believe, but played along. She was having a good time anyway and the girls were just as funny as Kanna. Rose figured that if this was her last night travelling the stars at least she was amongst friends and not in the TARDIS being judged and belittled. 

After hours of girl time, Kanna's friends and cousins left. Kanna lent Rose some soft pants and another vest top to sleep and they settled into matching twin beds (the second of which had been added in the last hour). Rose was just starting to dose off when Kanna sighed, "Rose? Do you really think he is going to take you home? I mean and not even give you the chance to prove yourself. From what I've seen, you are about perfect to travel with him. You are smart and brave and willing to fight. I wish I had all that."

Rose turned in bed to face her. "What you mean? You’re brave and smart, and all that. All you have to really do is be able to run... a lot."

"I'm out."

"It's magnificent really. He's great to travel with. I mean he was. Ugh I don't know. I don't think I can be with him if he is constantly on my case. Everything I do just seems to piss him of. He even spit out the tea I made him. It was his favorite too. I can't travel space in time with someone acting like a disapproving teacher. We had something, ya know? Now we have nothing and he doesn’t want me around. I guess I can just say I had a great time, but it sure will be hard to go back to my old life."

Kanna sat up in bed. "You can stay here with me. I know loads of boys who are nice and non-judgey. We can be super heroes together. It will be fun!'

"I thought you wanted to go to school. Plus eventually you will find the perfect girl for you and want to settle down. I have a mum too, and she would go crazy if I wasn't around now and again. She needs to gossip, ya know. Oh you should see the Doctor's face when she gets started. He looks absolutely terrified. It's so much fun. I think she likes him though, at least better than the first him I knew." She smiled at the memory. "That's who I he remembers, that’s the why he is who he is. I’ve never been with him as far as he remembers. All of our life together gone, just like that."

"I remember him visiting. He was pretty grumpy and talking to father a lot. When he visited before he was happier, but he looked, I don’t know, broken I suppose."

"Yup, that’s who he ws when we met, but he accepted me right away. This time it’s not so easy. I don't know, I just need to get myself straight so I can move on."

"You will.”

The girls talked into the night. Rose regaled Kanna with tales of her adventures with Kanna supplying the commentary. It was a thoroughly enjoyable time; especially if it was going to be Rose's last away from Earth.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The angst train keeps on rollin'. I also thought I would turn up the heat a little. Thanks for the comments!

The day broke bright and cheerful. After breakfast the girls had plenty to do, helping with arrangements and setting up. Kanna worked alongside the servants, chattering and directing people as she went. It struck Rose that she actually would have made a great queen. Her people would have loved her. 

Rose kept an eye out all day for the Doctor, though she didn't expect to see him after Kanna told her that the men had much to do also and they typically stayed separate from the women on these days. Knowing that she was free to move around without the weight of eyes on her was liberating and her mood was light all day. 

The Doctor had gone out that morning with the intention of at least talking to Rose and apologizing for yelling at her the night before. After a night of looking at her stuff and combing the pictures for anything he had come up empty. No memories, no questions answered. It was as if a giant puzzle piece was missing. Unfortunately that piece was the key to everything. He thought that perhaps he should try to have her stay on for a trip or two. Maybe make some new memories. If there had been something there they should be able to build it again, right? Something told him that he should not let her go. The problem being that he had already chased her away. 

He was surprised to see a transport waiting for him when went to head into town. Apparently Hamut wanted him to not have to work too hard to get in. Instead of taking him to the house, where he wanted to go, he was taken to the capitol building. Hamut met him outside explaining that he would need help with all the official announcements and documents needed for the wedding. Kolf stood close to his father, face showing just how boring he believed the subject to be. Coul was at Hamut’s side as usual, his normal sour expression in place. He didn’t acknowledge the Doctor as usual. The men dove into the work, knowing there was no way around it. The Doctor just hoped that there would be time before the wedding to talk to Rose. 

***   
About an hour before the ceremony Rose and Kanna went to get dressed and primped. The bride, Carri, joined them. Weddings here were much less formal than Rose had been accustomed to. Carri wore a flowing purple dress that accented her greyish complexion beautifully. She was adorned with traditional jewelry and Rose put her hair into a gorgeous up-do. As for herself, Rose had settled on a light pink skirt with red and purple highlights and a matching top. At first she thought the top was a little revealing but was convinced, more like out voted, by the gathering of girls. It had a somewhat plunging neck line that Rose adjusted to just reveal the beginnings of cleavage. The shirt was cut to be lower but she pulled it up, especially since she wasn’t very aware of the local customs, mostly because she didn’t want men to be staring at her breasts all night. 

The suns had begun to set as the girls left the house. The patio had been set up to accommodate all the guests with other seating areas and floors added on the periphery for even more people. At the center of the large space was an altar of sorts. It was an arch decorated with bright flowers and a table covered with a rich purple drape. Large rings of chairs surrounded the altar. There were several rows of bigger rings behind the center-most one. It added up to four ring-rows total, accommodating hundreds of chairs, all facing in. Even more lights had been added to the expanded patio and surrounding trees. Rose uttered “Oh it’s beautiful!” Kanna just smiled and took Rose’s hand.

“You get to sit with our family; I have a special spot for you.” She led Rose to an area in the inner most ring near the altar. It was already populated by people, both milling around and seated. She put Rose between two of her most attractive cousins, introduced her and then shot her a huge grin and retreated. The boys were a little young for her but entertaining none the less. They playfully asked for her hand in marriage and told her all about joining the royal family. Before she knew it, almost all the chairs were full and music had begun to play. It was more like mood music, nothing indicating that the ceremony was starting. She had been looking around for the Doctor but hadn’t seen him yet. 

She turned and was talking to cousin #1 when she heard whispering behind her then movement. She figured that cousin #2 was moving around. She turned to face him, still laughing from a joke #1 had just told, and was face to face with the Doctor. Her smile froze then dropped. Anxiety gripped her and she immediately looked down at her feet, feeling a little nauseous. 

“Hello” he said simply. His voice did not portray the rush of adrenaline he currently had. His hearts skipped beats. She was a vision of beauty. Her makeup was intricately done but subtle, using a variety of colors the accentuated her eyes. Her cheeks were flushed but he wasn’t sure why. Then he noticed what she was wearing. Her outfit left little to the imagination, cleavage and all. He swallowed his impending gasp. Suddenly he lost his focus and a series of bright images slammed into his head painfully, nearly knocking him off his chair. It took all he had to not scream out. It was Rose, but not a recent vision. She was wearing a period strapless dress. He could hear himself telling her that she looked good for a human and explaining that he had changed his jumper for whatever the occasion was. Just as quickly as the images appeared they disappeared. 

He must have unintentionally reacted, because Rose asked,”Doctor? Are you OK?”

He looked at her again, trying not to gape. He took a deep breath and tried to clear the pounding left over in his head. “Uh, no...uh yes.. I’m fine. I just needed to talk to you. We have some things to discuss.” She clenched her jaw and stared at him, face changing from concern to anger. This was not going well at all. 

“Can we just not?” she spat, though quietly, trying not to be heard by anyone but him, “I know what you want and you’re just going to have to wait until this is all over to get it.” 

“N-No, no Rose, you have it wrong…” he stammered. Just then the music swelled and everyone around them stood. They remained locked in an intense stare for a few more moments, hers more of a glare. Then cousin #1 tapped her on the shoulder and she stood, followed by the Doctor. She stepped back a little towards #1, not really intending on being closer to him so much as farther from the Doctor. 

Through a gap in the rings of chairs came a procession of people Rose assumed were grandparents and other family members. After they had passed, Kanna came out with Hamut and Kolf. She saw Rose and winked, then apparently saw who had joined her. She narrowed her eyes at the Doctor and sneered. Rose couldn't help but stifle a laugh. Instead it sounded like a little grunt/snort, which made the Doctor turn to her with a confused look. He leaned in and whispered, "I don't think she is happy with me, is she?"

Rose chose to lean back away from him and not answer. In return he set his mouth in a line and sighed. 

Most of the procession sat in the inner circle with just the immediate families in the center. Finally Carri and her family approached. All of the people, who were still standing, raised their arms in the air and joined hands. Cousin #1 tapped Rose on the shoulder again and reached to take her hand. When Rose turned back the Doctor was holding out his hand to her, eyes soft, pleading. "Come on, I won't bite." 

Rose let him take her hand and hold it aloft like the others. She had almost forgotten how cold he felt. It was so weird, she felt so natural like this, and they fit together so perfectly. And yet he wasn't her Doctor. It took everything she had to not pull back. 

After what seemed like eternity the group let go of each other and sat down. The Doctor dropped her hand even before cousin #1 did. He retracted his arm quickly like he had been shocked and gave her a pained look. Little did she know he had just had another vision. He was extending his hand to her and saying, "RUN!" then pulling her through some underground tunnel. It caused another searing pain in his head and he let go of her as a reaction. She looked at him incredulously. All he did was look back at her like she had just taken something from him. 

In the moment all she could do was wonder what was he playing at. 

There were quite a lot of ritual tasks to be done, so the ceremony moved slowly. Rose shifted a little in her seat and took in her surroundings. These people were quite good looking en masse. The suns had set further and the lights had come up a bit. The families in the center were framed by the light of the red barrier fence. It was quite beautiful in fact. The red brought out a lot of features in the people nearest it. 

And then it was gone. 

Before Rose could realize what had changed, someone let out a piercing scream. "The fence!"

In horror Rose turned in time to see hundreds of Xen and various other animals converge on the wedding. Screams echoed throughout as people were attacked. Besides the Xen there were large catlike animals, the Serra, that looked like mountain lions, but shaggier. There were the huge elephant-like creatures, the Norimors that the Doctor had explained too. 

She started to flee, following the crowd when she felt a sharp pain and a tug on her arm. She whipped her head around to see that the Doctor had grabbed her wrist and pulled her hard. 

"OW!" she yelled at him. 

"Come with me, NOW!" he bellowed. That was possibly the last thing she wanted to do. She yanked her arm away from him and without another word, ran away, melting into the crowd of escaping partygoers. "Rose!" he yelled, trying to give chase. 

Just then Hamut and Coul came running up. "We need you." was all Hamut said he was totally out of breath . The Doctor, sparing a quick glance to where Rose had run, followed them.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And on we move! Will they ever see eye to eye? Probably not, at least right away. I have no regrets.

Rose ran with the others until she tripped and was nearly trampled, scrambling up and bracing herself up against a building to let the crowd pass. She rubbed the wrist the Doctor had grabbed. It was already starting to bruise. Who was he to manhandle her? Though now she was on her own giving everything she had to not be something's dinner. 

In front of her three girls about her age ran screaming by. Suddenly one of them was struck down by a Serra. It tore at her throat viciously. A Xen joined it and started to latch on and the lion lashed out, swiping with its long claws. The Xen died instantly, landing in a heap just in front of Rose. She jumped back and hit the wall. She looked behind her and realized that she was at the same building that had the Xen in the cage. She inched along the wall until she came to the door, which was locked. 

Picking up a large rock, Rose broke a hole in the window surrounding the door. The glass didn't shatter; rather it just broke in place about the size of the rock. Just as she was about to reach in with her right arm she caught the reflection in the window of a Serra couching behind her ready to pounce. She jabbed her hand in and lunged for the inner handle, slicing her hand open on the jagged glass in the process. She was able to turn the knob and open the door just as the lion behind her sprung. It missed her and hit the glass with a resounding gong and a crash. The glass broke around it, cutting it severely about the head and neck. The animal pulled out its head, let out an anguished cry and limped off, leaving a trail of blood. 

Rose wrenched open the door and ran inside, closing it behind her. She rested her head back on the door and took a deep breath. In opposition to the total chaos outside, the building was quiet and dark, except for the noise coming in from the holes in the glass. She took a moment to assess herself. The wound on her hand was large and gaping; she oozed quite a bit of blood. Just the look of it made her a little dizzy. Above her hand, her wrist was now becoming black and blue from where the Doctor grabbed her. 

"That one was avoidable" she said quietly to herself. She had pulled herself away from the Doctor in the heat of the moment. In doing that though, she felt like she was pulling away from him permanently. Hadn't he been nicer today? It seemed like he had been trying, even a little, to get to her. She smacked her forehead with her other hand in frustration. A small chirp came from her left, over in the corner. Through the dim light she could see the Xen in the cage. 

She jammed her hand into a pocket to hopefully stem the flow of blood and started over to it. When it saw her it got visibly excited with mouth open wide and eyes big. "I guess you are glad you aren't out there. You could get killed." The Xen's eyes opened a little wider and watered, like it was crying. "Are you OK little guy?" It emitted soft crowing noises. 

The Xen positioned itself on its belly in the cage and once again rolled out its tongue to Rose. She was taken a little aback by it, but didn't step away. The beast just looked up at her like it was begging her to touch the tongue, pleading with its eyes. 

"Oh I don't know..." Rose looked around, there was no one there. All she could hear were the cries from outside. "Ok little buddy, I'll touch it, but you have to promise not to bite me. On second thought, can you just maybe erase the last few days? Maybe it won't feel like someone has ripped my heart out. I could certainly do without that, ya? “The Xen seemed to nod, and Rose wondered if she had just imagined it. 

She crouched down and reached out carefully and pulled back a few times before she got close enough to touch. The tongue was warm and wet as suspected. The moment she touched it, her mind exploded with images of the Xen. It wasn't painful or overwhelming, just a lot to look at. She saw them in family groups teaching their young to hunt. It looked like they didn't need to feed often or a lot unless they had gone without for a long time. They were a very gentle animal usually. She saw them touching tongues and snuggling with their mates and pups; it occurred to her that this was how they communicated their complex thoughts. They must be touch telepaths like the Doctor. The thoughts and memories of this Xen enveloped her and she felt warm and content. Then the Xen showed her how hungry its kind was and why they had turned aggressive. It happened when the first fences went up. Before then they lived good lives with rare feedings. Now it was different. They craved hormones and would do anything to get them. 

She also saw how the Xen communicated with the other animals, helping with their need to feed also. The wildlife actually worked together for all. The images of camaraderie amongst the species were beautiful. She could also see where it had turned bad, every beast was suffering. The Xen sent pictures to her telling her without a doubt that if it was free it could get the other beasts to leave. It also made it very clear that the attacks would commence if the Xen were left to starve again. 

OoOoOo

The Doctor ran up the path in search of Rose. He and Hamut had talked briefly and decided the Hamut would work to fix the fence and the Doctor would take a small group of men armed with tranquilizers and take down as many of the animals as possible, at least until they could be removed. As he came upon the building they had been in before, the one that housed the beast, he took in a sharp breath. The glass around the door was broken in two places, each hole dripping in blood. He got a sudden sick feeling. The young man in charge pushed ahead, “Let me clear the building sir.” He then stepped in with his tranquilizer gun at the ready.

Off in the corner was Rose, kneeling down before the beast. Its tongue was rolled out and she was touching it. “I FOUND HER!" he called out, then, "HEY WHAT ARE YOU DOING?" Rose looked up, startled. It was a soldier that she didn't recognize. The Doctor came running in behind him and skidded to a halt at the scene in front of him. 

Rose retracted her hand and faced them guiltily. Then on second thought she reached in the cage and touched it the Xen on the head. "This animal does not want to hurt us. All of them, they're just hungry. They know what they are doing, they communicate, like us."

"Rose, please, pull your hand out," the Doctor asked quietly.

"No Doctor, I saw into its head. If we let it out it can end this."

"This is a wild animal now come on..."He had stepped closer with his hand out to her. 

"No Doctor, listen to me for once! I know what I’m talking about. We need to let it go. I'm asking you to trust me, please." She got to her feet a bit unsteadily. The loss of blood must be beginning to affect her. Still when he reached for her she stood defiantly, hand still in her pocket to hide the bleeding. 

The Doctor advanced on her and looked down at the cage. His face was fixed in a mixture of fear and anger. He froze when he took in the animal; Rose had seen the expression before, when he had been face to face with a cyberman. He and the beast locked eyes and neither moved. The Xen didn't even make its characteristic noises. Quietly next to her, the Doctor spoke, "Come on Rose...come with me."

"No Doctor, I know I am right. Please." He looked back to her and frowned. This was not working, he didn't believe her and people were dying. In an instant she both pushed him back with her good hand and unlatched the cage. He stumbled but quickly righted himself. When his faced her he was bright red, jaw set. 

Rose, however, was not looking at him. Her eyes were trained on the now open cage, and the animal peeking out. From behind her she heard the sound of weapons being cocked. Her next sensation was being grabbed by the shoulders and thrust across the room into the now even bigger crowd of soldiers. The Doctor ran to join them, standing in front of her, pressing her into the group. 

The Xen poked its head out and chirped loudly. Everyone jumped and the soldiers all aimed their weapons. “No one shoot just yet,” the Doctor said calmly glancing briefly over his shoulder at Rose. Next the beast took a tentative step out of the cage. The Doctor stood in front of Rose and took another step back, pushing her further back. The Xen looked around and stepped out fully. Then it began to head towards the door. The men all moved in unison away, creating a wide path. Seeing the opening, the Xen scurried to the door, stopping in the doorway to let out an ear shattering wail. The onlookers covered their ears (except Rose who tried with one hand). Next the animal turned to face them, blinked, and ran into the night. 

The men then all pressed together in an attempt to get out. In the scrum Rose tripped and fell hard on the ground. No one noticed. Even the Doctor left after the animal, but he was in front of her and didn’t see her fall. Rose slowly got to her feet, dizzy and nauseous now and headed out the door; in the opposite direction of the soldiers and the Doctor. She surveyed the scene for a moment, and then opted to head back towards the house. 

Anyone who may have encountered her would have just thought that she was a casualty of an attack. She had blood leaking thought her pocket, she walked slowly and unsteadily. The only difference was the silent tears streaming down her cheeks. She didn't stop to talk to anyone, but once she made it back to the house she saw Kanna helping someone who was bleeding. At least her friend was OK.

The panic had settled down somewhat and the animals were nowhere to be seen. Rose really wasn't looking around anymore. In her head she was sure of one thing. This adventure was over. No more Doctor, no more TARDIS. The trust between them had gone away and it was obvious what had to happen. It was time to go home. She would wait for him to come back and tell him where to take her. It had been a fun ride she thought, but this was it. On second thought she would write him a note and tape it to the console, that way he could just tell her when they got there and she could pack her things. 

Rose jolted as she ran into someone. She felt hands take her shoulders, and she looked up to see the kindly military man, Wil, who had been there right after the Doctor had been attacked. He looked relatively unscathed in comparison to everyone else. "Are you alright...Rose is it?"

"Yeah, and I'm OK, I just need to get home."

He took her in but didn't react further. "I can arrange for that." 

Wil sat her down and spoke into a communicator attached to his dress jacket. After a brief exchange he turned to her. "Ma'am, if you can make it to the front of the house, I have a patrol going in the direction of your ship and they can drop you off."

"Thank you," she smiled and ambled off. Wil just watched her go, an odd smile on his face.


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In this chapter it finally heats up!! But will he see the light? We can only hope. Comments are much appreciated.

The Doctor and the group of soldiers had all run out after the Xen and now all stood, rooted on the spot, watching it. It had bounded ahead, wailing again and again. Soon more Xen surrounded it. They all stuck out their tongues and touched them, then began to wail and run away themselves. All headed towards the area once blocked by the fence. The noise of all the animals calling out became deafening. All the men had their hands on their ears. More and more animals came but did not stop. It was like some weird migration. Norimors lumbered along followed by Serra, most of which had bloody snouts as if they had been feeding. There was no aggression now though, the animals simply walked away. Soon the only one left was the one who had attacked the Doctor. It turned and stood on its back legs, making it about a metre tall. It chirped again, bowed its head, then turned and ran away with its brethren. 

The soldiers and the Doctor stood with mouths agape. "W-what just happened?" a stunned soldier asked next to the Doctor.

"I don't rightly know, but whatever it was, Rose just saved all of our lives."

The soldier nodded and met his eyes. "You certainly are lucky, Doctor, she is something else." He turned and walked off with the group, heading towards the house. 

"Yeah…she is..." he said to no one in particular. Suddenly a horrific jolt of pain burst into his head and he crumbled to the ground clutching it. He was flooded with images of his life, starting with meeting Rose under Henricks. Pictures and sounds came streaming in, all covered by screams of anguish that he had no idea where his. Slytheen, cybermen, Daleks, Rose smiling with her tongue between her teeth, hugging, holding hands, quiet nights in the TARDIS, running for their lives, Jackie, Mickey ... it all painfully pounded in, hammering his brain. And oh the feelings, they came too. Gut wrenching thoughts of almost losing her again and again, coupled with fear, pride, and...love. 

The Doctor was forcefully rolled onto his back by rough hands. "Doctor? Are you alright?" The Doctor slowly opened his eyes, trying to break through his haze of memories. It was Coul, for the first time ever he actually looked like he was worried. "Have you been attacked? You were screaming bloody murder and writhing around."

The Doctor shook his head, both in an answer and also to help gather himself. "No...I just…omigods I remember! Everything! I need to find Rose."

"I'm sorry, Doctor, I haven't seen her. Actually Hamut sent me for you. He found something that you need to see. He said he needs you immediately. It's a matter of national security."

"I need to go," he started, then caught Coul's expression, and sighed deeply. "Ok I'll come."

OoOoOoOoOoOoO 

The transport with the soldiers thankfully dropped Rose at the TARDIS door. She practically stumbled in and went to the console. Using her left hand she found a small piece of paper and wrote. “London, Powell Estate, 2006.” She would have loved to be more specific, but wasn’t capable now. It was all she could do to keep blood off the paper. 

Next Rose ambled off to the med-bay to treat her hand. Working one-handed was not easy but she managed to bandage it, but didn't know how to operate any of the fancy gadgets that were there for dermal regeneration. She figured that maybe if they left soon, he could get her to Earth in enough time to have it sutured the traditional way. The bruise around her wrist was now a lovely black color and quite swollen. It didn’t seem broken, but it was certainly sore. She clumsily added an elastic bandage the gauze. “Just more for the physician at home to do,” she thought. She would have to come up with a good story though. It would be a little hard to explain about running away from an alien and then being attacked by strange animals. One thing for sure though, she was going to have to have something in place though, because she was definitely not going to have the Doctor here work on her. 

In her current opinion, this could not be over soon enough. She had vowed her forever to him, but that was before he became a stranger. She could have taken another regeneration had that occurred, there was an adjustment period of course, but he was still him and he valued her. This him did not do that. There was no trust left and frankly she did not have the energy to begin again. What if he never came around? The prospect of that was terrifying. 

The TARDIS had put a special electrolyte drink on the counter for her and she gratefully took it. It was tremendously helpful. Soon she was feeling like a person again. She headed to one of the literally hundreds of storage rooms and upturned a few boxes, dumping half-filled ones into others. She came up with four boxes to fill. Then she headed to her room to pack. 

OoOoOoOoOoOoO 

The Doctor leaned over a monitor in the security control room in Hamut's home. He was wearing his glasses and squinting at a frozen image on the screen. "So you think this is the perpetrator?"

"Yes, it all adds up, he was in here the one time of day it was vacated. He must have set a timer."

"Hmm..." the Doctor leaned back and took his sonic out, aiming it at the playback machine. "I just need to improve the quality a bit. I could take it to the TARDIS but this is faster."

The sonic buzzed away and after about 30 seconds, the image blinked and became crystal clear. "Well I'll be." proclaimed Hamut. "Thank you Doctor. Coul, can you please see that he gets back to his ship? I'll send for you tomorrow Doctor."

"You know who this is?" the Doctor asked, standing. 

"I have seen him before, but I'm sure he has a lot of talking to do."

OoOoOoOoOoOoO 

Coul saw that the Doctor was transported back promptly. He came bounding through the doors hoping that he would find Rose awake and ready to talk. He ran past the console completely missing the haphazardly stuck directions to take Rose home. 

He couldn't find her in the kitchen, med-bay or library, all the places she usually waited for him. Finally he headed to her bedroom, praying she wasn't asleep. He opened the door quietly and peered inside. The room was dark and quiet. He listened carefully, stepping a little farther in to hear better. The door bumped up against something and wouldn't open any more. 

The Doctor stuck his head in around the door and stared at the obstruction. It was boxes... four of them stacked nicely. On the very top was the figure of the Princess of Vetuvia that they had been fighting over when was that, two days before? Wow there was no way that that happened only two days ago. He reached for the figure, turning the little princess over in his hand before he realized what it meant. 

Rose had packed. The boxes were full of all her treasures. All put away in order to ... leave? His hearts froze. He took another step in towards her bed, and then stopped. He could hear that Rose was not asleep. She had a slow breathing pattern but it was obviously manufactured, at least to him. He needed to tell her he was here, the real him, but not like this, not dressed like this. He turned on his heel and left, closing the door behind him. 

The snick of the door closing felt like a shot directly into Rose's stomach. She actually grabbed herself around the belly to try to make it go away. He had come and gone. Now he was probably gone for good. She pulled her duvet up to her chin. Her hand really smarted and felt sticky but she had no desire to do anything about it. Eventually she forced her eyes shut again and willed sleep to come. It didn't.

Sometime later her door opened again. She had rolled around in bed but couldn't get comfortable though she stilled when she heard it, not sure what to do. Maybe he would just go.

"Rose?" he asked, standing in the doorway.

She sighed a little and rolled over.

"Rose? I'm back."

She sighed again lightly, head still buried. She felt obligated to answer, since he was making an effort. "OK, are you alright?"

"No Rose, I'm back. Look at me."

She sat up in bed, pushing back the duvet and resting her hands on top. She blinked a few times and rubbed her face with her good hand, turning to him. He was silhouetted in the door. 

She blinked again, the shape was familiar. Then it dawned on her. 

“Doctor?”

“Hello.”

“Are you…better?”

“Yes I am.”

“Really? The old you, the one who knows me?”

“Oh yes.” He smiled brightly.

“100% you?”

He laughed now, “Yes, see?” He stepped closer with his arms out to his sides and the lights came up slightly as he twirled around so she could see all of him. He looked at her again and before she knew it, he swooped down on her, lifting her out of bed in a tight hug. It felt a little awkward at first; being the first time they had really touched in days, except the awkward hand holding at the wedding. Quickly though, it was natural, they fit together again and Rose knew it was really him. 

He hummed in her ear then pushed back ever so much and took her in, smiling, and then frowned. “Gods, Rose, what happened to you?” His eyes had landed on her hand. 

Rose looked down at her hand. In seeing him she had forgotten that she was still bleeding .“Oh it’s just…”

“Oh no you don’t, now what do we have here? Rose this is really bad, did you get bitten?”

“No, almost, I cut it getting into the building where the Xen was. “

“Oh my sweet Rose, this will never do!” With that he scooped her up into his arms, carrying her to the med-bay. 

She protested, ”Doctor, I’m OK to walk. I’m fine, really.”

“Rose Tyler, I have missed two days with you and under no circumstances am I letting you go now.”


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I had one chapter left and and I asked myself..."Self? Should I wait another day for the conclusion or should I just post it?" I decided to finish it. I hope you liked it. When I reread it I actually really liked some parts but it needed a little cleaning so that's why I felt I needed to bring it back. I will most likely do the same with some other older fics. I think they deserve a more practiced eye. 
> 
> Anyway, I would really appreciate comments, whether you read the old version or not. It's true that fanfic writers get a lot from the comments made. If you like what you read, let us know! See you soon with a new adventure.

Once in the med-bay the Doctor worked quickly to clean and close the wound on her hand and generally attend to her. He also made her drink another electrolyte drink too for good measure. 

When he was all done he looked up at her and took a deep breath, like he was steeling himself to say something important. Instead he said, ”Are you hungry? I can make some food.” He jumped back and clapped his hands. 

Despite the letdown Rose smiled. “Sure, I’m actually pretty hungry.”

“Great, go to the library and I’ll be there shortly.”

Rose ambled down to the library, starting to feel her fatigue. She sat down on the large, soft couch, pulled up a blanket and waited for him, before she knew it, she was asleep.   
OoOoOo   
“Rose… Rose?” She stirred; someone was gently shaking her shoulder. She opened to her eyes to the Doctor’s wide grin. He was holding a mug of tea out to her. Behind him was a tray with sandwiches and crisps. 

She rubbed her eyes, then grabbed for the mug. “Sorry, I must have dropped off.”

“And rightfully so, you’ve had a lot happen in the last day, well last few days.” He sat next to her, leaned over, grabbing a sandwich on a napkin and handing it to her. She accepted gratefully and took a bite. 

“Mmmm,” she hummed, ”just what I needed.” But she was staring at him.   
“I know what you’re thinking. I’m me. The real me.” Then the Doctor shifted a little, like he was unsettled. She raised an eyebrow. He rotated a little to face her, taking a deep breath, but still said nothing.  
“I’m glad you’re back. I missed you,” she ventured.

“And I missed you, I just didn’t know it.” His face was so soft now and Rose wanted to reach out and touch it, but felt like maybe he was grappling with something and she should let him be. 

An awkward silence descended. Finally Rose couldn’t take it anymore. And spoke just to fill the space around them. “Did they get the fence back up, and all the animals out?”

He smiled; he actually looked relieved for a moment. “Yes they did. Well, when I left they were still rounding some of big ‘elephanty’ ones up, but the fence was up yes. It was brilliant, by the way, how you figured it all out. Who would have thought they were touch telepaths with their tongues?”

“Doctor, he…the one I touched…told me so much. They really aren’t hostile. They just need the hormones and memories to live. They don’t need much though. Isn’t there something we can do? They only attack out of desperation.”

The Doctor tilted his head back in thought. “You know, maybe. Let me look into it. I will talk to Hamut in the morning.” 

“Thanks, I want to see Kanna again too.”

“Of course, plus there is a wedding to finish.”

“So what about that? Why did the fence go down, was it to interrupt the wedding? Who would have done that?”

“Hamut has someone he is looking at, and he has a theory or two.”

“Oh good. Was it that man, Coul? He creeps me out.”

“I actually don’t know. I guess we’ll find out tomorrow.” Another uncomfortable silence descended on them. Rose finished her sandwich and rested back, closing her eyes. 

“Rose?” the Doctor spoke quietly.

She lifted her head and eyed him curiously. He looked even more uncomfortable and it bothered her to see him like that. She sat up, coming closer to him. “Doctor, what’s the matter? You look like something’s wrong.”

He blushed a little. “No nothing’s wrong, I just have to tell you some things.”

“Well come on then, it’s just me. You can say anything.”

He took a deep breath, a smile quirking his lips. ”OK, first I want to apologize.” She raised her eyebrows. He continued, “When I lost my memory I lost you. I didn’t mean to scare you, but I know I did. During the wedding, I saw you running away and I didn’t know why, but that felt very wrong to me. That thing, the Xen, took everything that tied me to you; including all the memories and feelings. “

He took another breath and looked away. “I knew something was missing, and it was tremendously frustrating. That’s why I kept staring at you. It was like I was trying to remember something and it was just out of reach. In the meantime, there you were, just being you, magnificent Rose. It was killing me that I didn’t know who you were.”

“How do you know now?”

“It happened after you set the Xen free. At first I was scared and a little perturbed that you got that close, but that was before I really knew you again. Then when we got outside someone said something to me about you and I had this swell of pride. Then it all came rushing back. I mean really, it was like a lorry full of Rose hit me in the head. Suddenly I remembered everything. Then all I wanted to do was to find you. Of course then I had to do something for Hamut… It felt like it took forever for me to get back to you.”

“Why did you come in my room and then go?”

“Because I realized that you’d packed. I needed to be me again so you’d believe me. So I went and changed. I, erm…” He rubbed the back of his neck.” I was wondering if you still wanted to be... packed that is?”

Rose smiled and reached for his hand. “I only packed because I thought this was over, that we were over. You made it pretty clear that you wanted to take me home. I guess I need to know if you still feel that way.”

The Doctor slowly brought Rose’s hand up and kissed each of her knuckles. “There is no way in the universe I would ever want you to leave me, Rose Tyler; at least not if you wanted to stay.”

“I do want to stay.” 

“Good!” he startled her a little with his volume. He never let go of her hand though. He actually leaned in and took her other hand and pulled her in closer to him. “Rose, I believe we had started something a few days ago and were rudely interrupted.” 

Rose wasn’t entirely sure what he was talking about, so much had happened, but before she knew it, his lips were on hers. She froze at first, surprised at his sudden move, but melted after only a moment. His lips felt cool but soft and ever so gentle and drew her to him. 

She let go of his hands and ran her fingers through his hair, eliciting a quiet groan from him. He moved in even closer. Then he placed his hands on her head holding firmly but not too hard. After moments of lips moving and tongues exploring Rose sat back with a gasp. 

The Doctor looked wounded. “What’s the matter Rose? Is this not ok?”

She laughed, taking deep breaths. ”No it’s great, but you need to remember something; I have to breathe.” 

He smiled, taking her into a tight hug. “That was fantastic Rose Tyler, I want to do a lot more of it. You however, are exhausted. I can tell. May I accompany you to your bedroom?”

“What?”

The Doctor instantly reddened. “I mean to tuck you in. We have all of time and space Rose Tyler, for now I just want to make sure you’re comfy.”  
OoOoOo  
Approximately 10 hours, one shower (each) and a huge breakfast later the Doctor and Rose emerged from the TARDIS, hand in hand. They had intended on walking into town, but instead found a transport waiting for them. He helped her in and they held hands all the way. 

The driver must have called ahead because Hamut, Coul, Kanna, Carri and Kolf were all outside when they arrived. 

“Good morning Doctor, Rose. “ Hamut greeted them with a warm smile. 

Rose and the Doctor climbed down, and Rose’s eyes were drawn to Coul. The man had never smiled at her. He seemed cold, she was sure he would have been the one who turned off the fence. He had the most to gain by Kolf not getting married. She barely set foot on the ground before Kanna hit her with a brutal hug.

“Rose! I thought something happened to you! I’m so glad you’re alright!” Kanna yelled in her face after squeezing Rose so hard she thought she would pop. Then Kanna leaned in again, holding Rose more gently and whispered in her ear, “Please tell me you have a good story for me. “ Rose nodded and Kanna squealed with glee. 

Dragging Rose away Kanna yelled over her shoulder, ”Excuse us boys, we have some taking to do. Carri can you join us?” Carri gave Kolf a kiss on the cheek and happily chased after the girls, leaving the more than confused men to fend for themselves. 

Hamut motioned for the men to walk towards the house. “So Doctor, are you feeling better? I was talking to one of my troops about the incident with the Xen. He said that everything came back to you. That’s amazing, it happens so rarely. So it just popped back into your head?”

The Doctor laughed out loud. “If by popped you mean slammed back in there like I was being hit by a train, then yes. It was actually quite brutal, but I think it’s all there.”

“And Rose?”

“We’ve sorted it all out. I’m going to be honest, I almost lost her. She was ready to leave, packed and everything.”

“Well old friend, I’m glad you have her back. But given your track record I hope you don’t louse it up.” Hamut gave him a hearty slap on the back than make the Doctor suck in a breath.

“I don’t intend to,” the Doctor coughed. 

Hamut led the men to his private office where they all sat in the comfortable chairs surrounding his desk. The king actually took one of the chairs himself rather than being more formal. The Doctor smiled when he heard peals of laughter coming from the other side of the house. Rose must have been filling them in. 

“Hamut I’m sorry I didn’t get the opportunity to assess the casualties. Was it bad?” asked he Doctor. 

“I suppose it wasn’t as bad as it could have been. The Serra only attacked a few people. We lost three to them I think. There were more Xen attacks though, maybe like ten or eleven big ones and many smaller ones. But in the craziness they didn’t get to feed long. I think most of the people only lost a few hours. I guess all the fear of being overrun must have fed the Xen well enough.”

“And did you catch the man in the video?” 

Hamut sighed, “Yes, the man you saw in the video is one of our computer operators. He is a good person I think, just easily swayed. He doesn’t even have a blemish on his record. We have not finished interrogating him, but he had been threatened. Actually his parents had been threatened.”

“Did he give up the ringleader?” the Doctor asked. 

“Are you kidding, once we assured him his parents were safe he sang like a bird. I don’t know if you know the man responsible. His name is Wil, he’s a commander in my army. As it turns out his family was deeply rooted in our former civil war, and they lost everything. He was bent on starting up land wars again to avenge his relatives. I never would have guessed, he hid it so well. He was even among the first to arrive after you were attacked. He helped Rose initially. It’s a crazy story, but I can tell you, even with the war being twenty years ago, it still has lasting effects on our veterans. It was vicious.”

“Actually Hamut,” the Doctor said, sitting up in his chair, ”that’s what I wanted to talk to you about.”

OoOoOoOoOoOo

The girls left the men and hurried to Kanna’s room. Before they go there Kanna turned and stopped Rose. “I can’t stand it anymore, I heard he’s back. Is he?”

Rose blushed. “Yes.”

The other two girls cackled with delight and swept Rose through Kanna’s door. 

They all landed on the bed and Kanna took Rose’s hands. “Spill…now,” was all she said. 

Rose laughed a little, “Well, I had hurt my hand so I had wrapped it then I went to pack my stuff, because… well you know.” Kanna and Carri nodded and motioned her to continue. “So he came in and bumped into the boxes I had filled with my stuff. Then he left.”

“NO!” Kanna exclaimed. 

“Just hold on, there’s more.” Rose smiled. “Then he came back. He said ‘Rose I’m back’ but I didn’t believe him until I saw him. Then he swooped me up and took me to fix my hand.”

“Did he fix anything else?”Kanna asked, eyebrows raised.

“Like I would tell you!” 

Kanna let go of Rose and then reached back, grabbed a pillow and hit her friend with it. “There’s a lot more ammo where this came from Rose, now talk.”

Rose blushed furiously this time. 

“I’m going to take that to mean there might have been snogging.” Kanna squealed. 

Rose tucked the hair back behind her ear. “There might have been.”

The other two cackled again.

OoOoOoOoOoOo

Sometime later the Doctor emerged from a lab on the grounds of Hamut’s home. It had been hours but there had been work to be done. Hamut had sent for his troops to capture a Xen, which was pretty easy considering many of them had been fed. 

He was tired, a rarity for him, but the psychic link needed to converse with the Xen was exhausting, and if he had to admit it, a little gross. He had washed his hands multiple times but they still felt slimy from touching the animal’s tongue. Hamut had been tremendously supportive of the Doctor’s idea of using the Xen to help work with the extremely depressed and possibly veterans who were still suffering. In small doses it was possible to make things tolerable for people who were struggling with feelings of the past. It was a start at least. 

When the Doctor stepped onto the back patio, lost in his thoughts, he nearly ran into a throng of people standing there quietly. He looked up and saw that they had re-started the wedding and were nearly done. Hamut had come to the lab earlier and found him deep in thought. He must have just left him to his work. The Doctor stood in back of the group, looking for Rose but not seeing her. 

As he watched the ceremony, a small warm hand slipped into his. He looked down to see Rose sidling up to him, grinning widely. He returned the expression, pulling her closer and wrapping his arm around her. 

The remainder of the ceremony was quickly followed by a huge dinner. The reception had originally slated for music and dancing, but with all that had happened they toned it down. 

Rose sat with the Doctor on one side and Kanna on the other. When they were finishing the meal, Kanna leaned over and pulled Rose close. “So what now?” she whispered. 

Rose moved to Kanna’s ear. “I don’t have any idea what you are talking about.” she whispered back.

“Listen lady,” Kanna’s voice grew a little louder, ”I’m stuck in this miserable timeline just plodding through life. You, on the other hand get to go traipsing all over the universe with a hot guy who ADORES you. I want to know what comes next.”

She could feel the Doctor’s hand settle on her knee as she leaned in to answer. “I don’t know, I guess I’ll just have to see.” The Doctor stood up next to her, gently taking her hand. Rose and Kanna stood too. They all knew it was getting to be time to leave.

“Oh Rose, I’m gonna miss you.”Kanna drew her into a tight hug. She could see over Rose’s shoulder the Doctor was wandering off by Hamut. 

“Kanna you saved me. I mean really, without you I don’t know if I would have lived through this.” 

“I’m glad it worked out Rose, I would hate to have had to kill him. I could have used the practice though; my assassin skills are getting rusty. I suppose there is always next time. Can you do me a favor though? Can you come back if you have any little time babies? I want to be their aunt and teach them bad habits.”

“I promise.” Rose wiped a tear away. Had she been back on Earth, Kanna would have easily been one of her very closest mates. It’s hard to find loyal friends, on any planet. The girls embraced once more until Rose felt a gentle hand on her back. She turned and faced the Doctor. He was with Hamut, Kolf, Carri and Coul. All of them wore smile. Rose was actually taken aback to see Coul smiling. She looked at the Doctor to keep from gaping. 

More hugs and handshakes ensued but finally it was time to go. The Doctor took Rose’s hand in his and led her to the waiting transport back to the TARDIS. He helped Rose up and she settled by the window, waving at their friends. She felt a kiss on the cheek as they pulled away.

“Now Rose Tyler, where to?” the Doctor asked in her ear. 

“Oh I don’t know, where do you want to go?” she breathed back.

He reached up and cupped her face. I don’t care as long as I am with you.” And with that he dropped a kiss on her lips.


End file.
